14 March 2014: SmackDown preview – Kane

So, no Kane on Raw this week, except for a backstage bit with The Shield.

Apparently, now that DBryan and his #YesMovement have successfully taken off, Kane is now going to get The Shield over. Because that’s what his job description as Director of Operations says.

But we did hear that Kane would be going up against Big Show on SmackDown!

(snagged this one from the WWE’s official Facebook – I’m sure there was a SmackDown preview on WWE.com at some point but, yeah, yanno, I missed it.)

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Please read the terms of the licence before copying or sharing any part of this entry.

4 March 2014: Main Event digitals – Kane

From WWE.com:

Daniel Bryan def. Kane

In a hard-fought rematch between former WWE Tag Team Champions, Daniel Bryan and Kane, WWE’s Director of Operations took control of the match early with a flurry of strikes. Unleashing his rage on Bryan, Kane slowly and methodically used his size and strength to dismantle his former partner.

Seizing an opportunity to move on the offensive, Daniel Bryan unleashed his own calculated strategy, targeting Kane’s knee with swift kicks and using the ring post to his advantage. Although The Corporate Monster did fight back, Bryan continued to target Kane’s knee.

The resiliency of WWE’s Director of Operations was on display as he continued to fight through the pain of The Beard’s knee strikes. Having reigned as WWE Tag Team Champions, both Superstars were familiar with each other’s in-ring abilities as the match pushed forward and neither remained in control for long.

After an intense volley inside the squared circle with both Kane and Daniel Bryan throwing everything in their arsenals at each other, The Big Red Monster prepared to secure the win with a chokeslam. However, Bryan managed to counter the maneuver into a pin-fall to pick up the victory.

Following the match, the Director of Operations expressed his anger – not over his loss – but rather at Bryan’s continued challenge to WWE COO Triple H’s authority, vowing to take down the leader of the “YES!” Movement once and for all.

Ladies (and gentlemen, if there are any of you lurking) – allow me to present approximately one half hour of the finest Kane porn ever produced on the WWE.

Because hot DAMN, this ticked all the boxes!

(This from Kane’s Official Facebook page)

Kane 4 March 2014 – WWE Main Event photos

Okay, let’s get this porn kicked off right! Kane is bare chested – this is great.

Kane stripped coming down to the ring (not pictured) – this is fucking awesome!

Kane is fucking ripped … porn-eriffic!

Kane was a vicious growling beast – excellent! Love how he uses DBryan’s beard as a handle! 😉

Acres upon acres of exposed rippling muscles … sweet jesus, that is HAWT!!

Pats sent me this one while I was working … resulting in a period of lessened productivity where I could do nothing but stare at my phone. Ripped. As. Fuck.

Also wearing his knee brace and wrestling boots under his dress pants? Kinda destroys my fantasy of “Fuck that – let’s rumble!” But I’ll forgive him because he’s demonstrating his extraordinary flexibility and rippling abs. 😉

Ouch!

But – and seriously, this is killing me – those abs. Those luscious abs. And the hint of the little denty bits just in from his hips – I got no idea what they’re called, but they are seriously one of my favourite spots on a man, and now I can see them on Kane and my brain goes to mush and my ovaries a’splode …

Bare chested. In dress pants. A lusty Kane fangirl’s dream come true!

Oh and I almost forgot the best part! If you watch closely – and maybe it helps having a big screen TV – you’ll notice that not only is Kane no longer shaving his chest, but also his abs. Dear gods, love me some body hair on a man!

But what’s even better than that is this – watch closely at Kane’s back when he’s bent over. Because while there’s still no VPL, he’s wearing black briefs under those dress pants. Might even be Calvin Kleins.

I do know that seeing that had me hitting pause, rewinding and watching again while my ovaries went into a complete meltdown!

Speculation is that maybe he wears a thong … 😉

This one amuses me! See how Kane’s got his arm hooked around the top rope? Pretty sure this was meant to be DBryan drop kicking Kane and flipping him over the top rope.

Only DBryan landed too close and Kane couldn’t get those long (long, long) legs up for the flip over, because DBryan was in the way. Instead – and this is years of experience and professionalism on Kane’s part – Kane dropped to the mat and rolled out from under the ropes to the outside, so DBryan could do the flying goat dive through the ropes at him.

While I may rave (somewhat incessantly, I’ll admit!) about Kane’s body, this is the real reason I am such a fan. Because he is so fucking good at this.

That said? Him leaning back against the ropes like that – if you take DBryan’s feet away from his chest – is pornographically lovely!

😉

Talk about pornographically lovely – those shoulders. Holy crap, those shoulders!

Plus, Kane flat on his back? Bare chested? In dress pants? Yeah, that’s ticking all the boxes for me! 😉

And dear gods, DBryan being able to roll Kane up like that for the pin? Speaks volumes for Kane’s flexibility!

Also shows off rippling chest and abs as well – bonus!

WWE.com has match video here, and yes, it’s two minutes of absolute porn.

Check out Kane’s DDT at 0:20 – he is still amazingly athletic for a guy his size!

Ten seconds later, and we’re almost treated to a full-on Kane tanty when he only gets a two count out of the pin-fall. It’s utterly adorkable, mixed with porn-eriffic!

A brutal series of clubbing clotheslines, Kane growling at DBryan about “Do you know who we are?” – all the while glistening with sweat. Lord have mercy!

There’s another almost-tanty after the pin-fall. And if you watch closely, you’ll see a scratch on the right side of Kane’s neck – it’s more evident in his backstage segment a bit later. Where I’m sure he said something important, but I was too busy whimpering and wiping the drool off my chin to get the gist of it!

But the real story here actually played out on social media.

First, WWE tweeted this before Main Event aired:

And then followed it up with this after the show:

Same picture, different captions – do they not get that some of us use both? 😉

However, delving into this more deeply – also known as saving that picture off for a good look at it – we get this:

And that’s where the fun really starts. Because if you look more closely at this picture, you’ll notice that Kane is no longer shaving his chest.

As Pats says, “Bless his fur covered heart!”

Furry chest. Those epic fucking shoulders. A close up view of his nipples. Seriously, this is soft core porn!

That goofy smile.

Well hell.

Now, for a brief period, I was using the pic that Pats sent me as my phone’s wallpaper. Which really only gave me the rippling abs and chest, but hey, I’m good with objectifying that luscious hunk of manflesh!

But the minute I saw this one, yep, phone wallpaper! And it gives me an awesome happy every time I turn my phone on!

Oh, and I’ve hit the “Keep” button on my DVR for Main Event. Because no one in their right mind would delete porn that good. Especially when it’s viewable on a big screen TV! 😉

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Please read the terms of the licence before copying or sharing any part of this entry.

3 March 2014: RAW news – Undertaker

No Undertaker this week, but there was this:

From WWE.com:

Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar addressed The Undertaker’s return

CHICAGO – IT’S CLOBBERIN’ TIME … almost.

Faced with a Chicago crowd foaming at the mouth for the return of CM Punk, Paul Heyman addressed his former protégé’s absence the only way he knew how: By sitting cross-legged in the ring and denouncing the WWE Universe who “took [Punk] away” from Heyman and The Undertaker, who instigated Punk’s fateful break from Heyman’s tutelage.

However, with The Phenom back in Heyman’s sights after the events of last week, a revenge-hungry Heyman brought out Brock Lesnar to respond to last week’s confrontation with The Undertaker, but The Anomaly soon found himself besieged – yet again – by Mark Henry, who’s still got a score to settle with the former UFC Heavyweight Champion after being injured at his hands. Despite scoring a strike to The Anomaly’s face, The World’s Strongest Man found himself F-5’ed through a table in a demonic demonstration to The Deadman, wherever he may be.

Brilliant work by Paul Heyman (who once, in the long distant past on WCW, managed ‘Taker as Paul E. Dangerously) – both in defusing the Chicago crowd, who were, predictably, baying for Punk, and in giving a clever rationale for the match between Bork and ‘Taker at ‘Mania.

If there’s a better guy on the mic than Paul Heyman, dunno where they’re hiding him!

The other piece of Undertaker-related news, although it’s also Kane-related, is that the WWE announced that Paul Bearer, who sadly passed away last year, will be inducted into the Hall of Fame this year.

While WWE.com has this up on the Raw homepage, there’s an article from Matt Fowler here that’s easier to navigate to, and includes not just the video package for Paul the WWE put together, but a great bonus one of Paul singing “Happy birthday” – enjoy the memories!

This one came from the WWE Facebook page.

For those thinking that the Undertaker will induct Paul – probably not. Had this induction taken place after ‘Taker retired, perhaps. But while he’s still performing, and the night before WrestleMania? Highly unlikely, I think.

Ultimately, it will be up to Paul Bearer’s family to decide – and the gentleman has so many friends in wrestling, the list will be long and illustrious.

While it’s a well deserved honour, I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to get through it without crying.

Rest in peace, Paul.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Please read the terms of the licence before copying or sharing any part of this entry.

23 February 2014: PPV digitals – Kane

From WWE.com:

WWE World Heavyweight Champion Randy Orton def. Daniel Bryan, John Cena, Sheamus, Cesaro & Christian in an Elimination Chamber Match BY ANTHONY BENIGNO

MINNEAPOLIS – Four losses in three weeks, five opponents with one common goal, and no escape in sight in a match with zero wins to his name? Randy Orton’s got this.

Despite five Superstars looking to rearrange The Face of WWE into an unrecognizable mush, Orton retained the WWE World Heavyweight Championship inside the Elimination Chamber Sunday night – though he certainly has Kane and The Wyatt Family to thank, in part, for hand-delivering him a pair of get-out-of-jail-free cards inside Satan’s Prison.

The match started as a thuggish brawl between Sheamus and Cesaro, who wasted no time resuming their fisticuffs from their tag match two weeks earlier on Raw. In an opening sequence that channeled the ruthless spirit of the Elimination Chamber, a full two minutes of ground-and-pound uppercuts and shoulders passed before anyone attempted something resembling a wrestling move: a neckbreaker by The Celtic Warrior.

The Chamber itself reared its head early on, when Cesaro’s first tumble over the ropes and onto the steel grate robbed him of his imperious swagger almost immediately. The former U.S. Champion slowed down The Celtic Warrior by targeting his surgically-repaired shoulder, then taking the wind out of him with a top-rope stomp to the ribcage. The Real American used his trademark uppercuts to their fullest advantage, backing Sheamus into a corner until the clock finally struck zero …

And that’s when – YES! – Daniel Bryan entered the fray.

The Beard wasted no time in going to work, taking both Sheamus and Cesaro out with a double top-rope dropkick and picking the two apart with a barrage of kicks and clotheslines. The “Yes!” man made the first pinfall attempt of the match, hauling Cesaro into the air with a Northern Lights suplex while – yes, while – he had Sheamus’ beefy legs entwined in an impressive submission hold. The Über-American used his strength to cut Bryan short, flipping him into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and sending him shoulder-first through his own empty pod moments later.

With Bryan out of commission, Sheamus and Cesaro resumed their donnybrook, and The Celtic Warrior claimed the advantage by planting Cesaro with a rolling Senton onto the grate. Sheamus had just started to mix it up with a recovering Bryan again when the clock struck snake eyes for a second time, and Christian’s number was finally called.

Captain Charisma was full of grit and guts before the match even started, mean-mugging a pod-bound Cena during his entrance and daring his competitors to underrate him as a threat. He didn’t exactly shy from backing up his talk once he set foot into the Chamber for the first time. The former World Champion found Satan’s Prison entirely to his liking, banging on the walls of his pod to distract opponents and targeting Bryan the second he was released, slamming the “Yes!” man into the chain-link fence and tearing the bandages off his injured shoulder.

Christian’s time in the Chamber seemed to bring out the demon in him with each passing minute. He proved a strong challenge for Sheamus and Cesaro as well, reverse-DDT’ing the Irishman onto the grate and countering the Very European Uppercut by grabbing hold of the chain-link fence mid-flight. It took freight-train force to finally knock Christian down, courtesy of Cesaro driving him back-first through a Lexan glass wall.

Cena – incorruptible but unstoppable – entered the match in typical dynamic fashion, Attitude Adjusting Christian on top of Cesaro, but Bryan cut that run short by dropkicking the Cenation leader straight in his jaw. Christian would not be denied, though, dropping Bryan with the Killswitch and kicking off a brawl of epic proportions: Sheamus flattened Cena with White Noise; Cesaro and Sheamus traded furious uppercuts, and Cena was jaw-jacked by a Very European Uppercut.

Odd alliances also started to form at this point: Bryan laid into Cena with body shots while Cesaro was hoisted for the Attitude Adjustment; Sheamus and Bryan joined forces to clobber Cesaro against the ropes. The effect was so catastrophic that, by the time Randy Orton was released, he had his pick of which Superstars to feast upon. He chose to attack everyone – emphatically, in fact – though he took too long to bask in his own splendor. As if the karma gods nodded in unison, all five of his opponents seemed to recover simultaneously, and the outnumbered Viper quickly slithered back into the confines of his pod.

Happily, Sheamus had a solution: He – to quote Michael Cole – “Brogue Kicked the hell out of the pod,” reducing WWE’s Champion of Champions to a heap and instigating a six-way brawl for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. And oh, what a brawl it was: Orton went for a 27-rotation Cesaro swing and Sheamus nearly axe-handled the beard off Bryan’s head. Christian escaped the High Cross by crawling on top of one of the empty pods and, with Sheamus in hot pursuit, Orton capitalized by superplexing the Irishman square in the middle of the ring.

Sensing opportunity, Captain Charisma took flight with a frog splash to the prone Sheamus and at last got his, eliminating the former World Champion to notch the first casualty of the match. His glory was short-lived, though, as a running knee from Bryan turned Christian’s face to mush and cut his chances at main-eventing WrestleMania to zero. And then, there were four.

With four Superstars remaining and the supreme prize at stake, the remaining competitors quickly paired off into their respective rivalries: Bryan dispatched Orton, and Cena laid Cesaro low before the “Yes!” man and the Cenation leader found themselves face-to-face once again. With the “Yes!” movement erupting around them, the two threw civility out the window and brawled like it was SummerSlam all over again. If not for a timely belly-to-back suplex that sent Cena airborne (with Bryan over his shoulders – yes, this was awesome too), Bryan might have seen his WrestleMania dreams snuffed out with impunity.

Cena didn’t wait long to respond to the intruder. The 14-time World Champion hauled Cesaro over the ropes and onto a sheet of Lexan glass with an Attitude Adjustment before ending the Real American’s Herculean effort with an STF moments later. Orton was the next opponent ensnared in the hold, though Bray Wyatt saved the champion’s serpentine skin for the second consecutive defense of his title; he and his Family materialized inside Satan’s Prison and obliterated Cena, allowing Orton to pick the bones and secure his first, ill-gotten elimination of the night.

Here’s where things got complicated.

In the referees’ attempt to remove The Wyatts from the Chamber, Director of Operations Kane stomped down to restore order, successfully compelling the Family to leave … and eating a flying knee to the skull from Bryan for his troubles. Orton, ever the opportunist, struck immediately by throwing Bryan – again – through the wall of a pod, though his habitual underestimation of the submission master cost him dearly.

Bryan ensnared Orton in the Tree of Woe before blasting “The Face of WWE” with three running baseball slides. Fatigue seemed to finally be setting in for both Superstars, though the slightly fresher Orton still had enough wind in him to plant Byran with a second-rope hanging DDT. In a final burst, Bryan rallied for a running knee that laid Orton out for a would-be three count until – oh, hell no – Kane grabbed the official’s legs to break the count.

The distraction understandably preoccupied Bryan and Orton found his footing to, out of nowhere, strike with the RK – NO! Bryan kicked out of Orton’s finisher and The Apex Predator all but blew a gasket that he still,still, couldn’t get the job done. The “Yes!” man channeled his inner mad goat and clobbered The Viper with a kick to the head before setting up for the running knee, but Kane, still trapped in the Chamber, struck Bryan with a cheap shot straight to the bearded face. Bryan staggered back into the middle of the ring, where a final RKO brought his WrestleMania dream to its ruthless end.

So here we find ourselves, a controversial ending and the Champion of Champions’ run atop the mountain extended for another night. Was it fair? Hell, no. Best for business? Depends on whom you ask. Certainly best for Randy Orton. As for Orton himself, The Road to WrestleMania awaits. No more looking back, and, given what he had to go through to get there, who can blame him?

First, a disclaimer: I did not watch this PPV. I am glad I didn’t spend my hard-earned cash on it. I had no desire to buy the replay to see a few minutes of Kane. And the rest of the card was … was there a competition to see who could book the worst PPV possible? Because this one might have won it.

Next point: obviously The Wyatt Family are being positioned to take on the “supernatural powers” angle of the Brothers of Destruction. Because not even ‘Taker or Kane – who was in the very first Elimination Chamber match – has ever magically appeared in the damn thing.

Shawn Michaels did emerge from under the ring in order to lose ‘Taker the Chamber match in 2010 … a match apparently somehow expunged from the records, as the article about it no longer exists on WWE.com. But that was just hiding under the ring and coming up through the grate.

No, The Wyatt Family pulled a ‘Taker or Kane – lights go out, lights come back on, magically in a locked structure.

Now, why they aren’t running with this supernatural angle with the two guys on the roster who have history in this area is beyond me. It’s just plain stupid, but whatevs. Triple H seems determined to run the product into the ground, and ‘Taker and Kane will, eventually, both retire. Using them to help get these guys more over would seem to be smart, but no one ever accused Triple H of being a brain.

[/rant]

Anyway! On to the meagre digitals!

Kane 23 February 2014 – WWE World Heavyweight Championship Elimination Chamber Match: Photos

The Director of Operations is here!

And pissed!

And the only one ballsy enough to send the Wyatts packing – look at that veritable posse of referees standing there, like gawping ducks! 😉

“Kane’s attempt to restore order is met with a flying knee from Daniel Bryan.”

Well now that hardly seems fair!

Poor Kane, lying there on that unforgiving steel grating …

But jeez, check out the marks on DBryan’s back – ouch! At least Kane’s suit is doing a Batman and protecting him! 😉

“Kane breaks up the pin count when Bryan hits the running knee on The Face of WWE.”

And cops a boot to the face for his troubles!

Once again, we have the pornographically lovely sight of Kane flat on his back. Even fully clothed, the man sends my imagination into overdrive! 😉

Why isn’t someone checking on the well being of the Director of Operations? I’d volunteer to give him mouth to mouth, whether he needed it or not!

So yes, while that few minutes might have been nice, it certainly wasn’t worth the money the rest of the crappy PPV would have cost me.

Next!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Please read the terms of the licence before copying or sharing any part of this entry.

26 January 2014: PPV digitals – Kane

From WWE.com:

Batista won the 30-Man Royal Rumble Match BY Ryan Murphy & Zach Linder

PITTSBURGH — He came. He saw. He conquered.

In his first match back after a nearly four-year absence from WWE, Batista proved he hadn’t lost any of his killer instinct as he eliminated Roman Reigns to win the 2014 Royal Rumble Match. With his epic victory — his second in the 27-year history of the over-the-top-rope melee — Batista began his deliberate march toward WrestleMania XXX, where he will attempt to achieve the one goal that led to his return: win the WWE World Heavyweight Title.

It was a commanding performance from The Animal, who entered the fray at No. 28 and eliminated four Superstars to stand tall. Long before that, however, it was CM Punk who kicked things off, entering at No. 1 for the second time in his career before displaying the kind of marathon man endurance that made Royal Rumble Match icons out of WWE Hall of Famers like Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels. First squaring off with No. 2 entrant Seth Rollins, Punk scored the bout’s first eliminations by dumping Damien Sandow and Kane, who entered the match in slacks and dress shoes.

WWE NXT standout Alexander Rusev — a Bulgarian powerlifter with scary agility — made a shocking entrance in the No. 6 spot, and manhandled Punk, Rollins and Cody Rhodes with the clout of a ring veteran. For a brief period of time, the rookie became an unexpected favorite until the combined efforts of four Superstars took the brute out of the match.

Before the big man left the ringside area, however, Punk tossed Kofi Kingston, who landed in Rusev’s arms. The Bulgarian strongman planted Kingston on the barricade, but the high-flyer’s feet never touched the floor. As he did in his last two Royal Rumble Matches, Kofi found a way to survive as he balanced himself atop the thin railing, took a running start and miraculously jumped back onto the ring apron.

The first Royal Rumble shocker came at No. 14 when the massive Kevin Nash returned to WWE and immediately eliminated Jack Swagger before going after both Rollins and Dean Ambrose at the same time. Big Sexy didn’t last long, though, as the No. 15 entrant — Roman Reigns — tossed Nash, Kofi and Dolph Ziggler in short order. It was just the beginning of what would become a legendary Rumble Match performance for the muscle of The Shield.

The surprises continued from there as Goldust eliminated his brother, Cody, and Reigns eliminated Goldust, leaving Punk alone in the ring with all three members of The Shield. Just when it looked like a public mugging was about to transpire, the clock struck zero and Sheamus made his return as the 17th entrant. Clearly not intimidated by The Hounds of Justice, the fiery Irishman went right for the trio with wild haymakers like he was in the middle of a Dublin pub brawl.

The smallest Rumbler entered at No. 20 as El Torito charged into the squared circle and picked a fight with Punk. The Straight Edge Superstar may have dismissed the little bull, but that was before he had been nearly flipped out of his boots by a hurricanrana. The luchador even scored an elimination when he launched Fandango over the rope with a flying headscissors, but he was then nearly hurled into the mezzanine by Reigns.

The mayhem continued from there as JBL left the commentary table at No. 24, and entered the ring in a shirt and tie. Yet by the time he handed off his coat to Michael Cole, he was sacked by the domineering Reigns. Despite his limited appearance, JBL still inspired chants of “You still got it!” from the WWE Universe.

The laughs stopped when the 28th Superstar joined the fray. Making his long-awaited homecoming, Batista stomped to the ring and eliminated Erick Rowan, Ryback and Alberto Del Rio with immediacy. By the time Rey Mysterio entered as the final Superstar in the No. 30 spot, the ring was buckling under the weight of serious behemoths like Big E Langston, Sheamus and Antonio Cesaro.

At this point, the notion that the Royal Rumble Match was every man for himself became clear as Ambrose attempted to eliminate Reigns, but failed. Now running off pure adrenaline, the powerhouse set his Shield unity aside, then dumped both Rollins and Ambrose — along with Cesaro — out of the ring at the same time.

With that, Punk, Batista, Sheamus and Reigns stood as the final four, but The Straight Edge Superstar didn’t last long as Kane reemerged and pulled Punk out of the ring (thus tying Shawn Michaels for all-time Royal Rumble Match eliminations with 39). The Director of Operations continued his vicious assault on the former WWE Champion by chokeslamming him through the Spanish announce table.

Sheamus was the next to go as he was dispatched by Reigns, who eliminated 12 Superstars — 40 percent of the contest’s participants — to break Kane’s 13-year-old record for the most competitors eliminated in a single Royal Rumble Match. With anticipation reaching a fever pitch, Batista and Reigns squared off like silverbacks fighting for their territory. Bone-jarring spears were exchanged as the upstart tested the veteran’s resolve; ultimately, though, it was The Animal who survived as he launched Reigns out of the ring with one arm.

With the ring now clear of every Superstar but one, Batista stood supreme as the winner of his second Royal Rumble Match. As many greats have done before him, The Animal pointed into the rafters where the WrestleMania XXX sign hung. What awaits him there remains to be seen, but the Road to WrestleMania has begun, and an Animal is leading the stampede to New Orleans.

Okay, so apart from one teeny tiny error in there – Kane didn’t wear dress shoes, he had on his wrestling boots under his suit pants (big thanks to Pats for spotting that one!), that’s the tale of the tape. They’ve dragged a paunchy looking Batista out of retirement to get mileage out of his role in the new Marvel movie, and put him over a bunch of other guys far more deserving so he can be in the main event at WrestleMania. Yay.

Now, here’s some more interesting stuff from WWE.com:

Full list of Royal Rumble Match participants and eliminations

Entry Number 1: CM Punk
Eliminated: Damien Sandow, Kane, Alexander Rusev
Eliminated By: Kane
Time: 49:13

Entry Number 2: Seth Rollins
Eliminated: Alexander Rusev, Rey Mysterio, The Great Khali
Eliminated By: Roman Reigns
Time: 48:31

Entry Number 3: Damien Sandow
Eliminated:
Eliminated By: CM Punk
Time: 2:17

Entry Number 4: Cody Rhodes
Eliminated: Alexander Rusev
Eliminated By: Goldust
Time: 21:01

Entry Number 5: Kane
Eliminated:
Eliminated By: CM Punk
Time: 1:10

Entry Number 6: Alexander Rusev
Eliminated:
Eliminated By: Seth Rollins, CM Punk, Cody Rhodes, Kofi Kingston
Time: 7:06

Entry Number 7: Jack Swagger
Eliminated:
Eliminated By: Kevin Nash
Time: 12:24

Entry Number 8: Kofi Kingston
Eliminated: Alexander Rusev
Eliminated By: Roman Reigns
Time: 12:42

Entry Number 9: Jimmy Uso
Eliminated:
Eliminated By: Dean Ambrose
Time: 7:53

Entry Number 10: Goldust
Eliminated: Cody Rhodes
Eliminated By: Roman Reigns
Time: 12:00

Entry Number 11: Dean Ambrose
Eliminated: R-Truth, Jimmy Uso, The Great Khali
Eliminated By: Roman Reigns
Time: 33:56

Entry Number 12: Dolph Ziggler
Eliminated:
Eliminated By: Roman Reigns
Time: 6:09

Entry Number 13: R-Truth
Eliminated:
Eliminated By: Dean Ambrose
Time: 0:36

Entry Number 14: Kevin Nash
Eliminated: Jack Swagger
Eliminated By: Roman Reigns
Time: 0:36

Entry Number 15: Roman Reigns
Eliminated: Kofi Kingston, Dolph Ziggler, Kevin Nash, The Great Khali, Goldust, El Torito, JBL, Luke Harper, Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, Antontio Cesaro, Sheamus
Eliminated By: Batista
Time: 33:58

Entry Number 16: The Great Khali
Eliminated:
Eliminated By: Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins
Time: 0:53

Entry Number 17: Sheamus
Eliminated: Big E Langston
Eliminated By: Roman Reigns
Time: 28:22

Entry Number 18: The Miz
Eliminated:
Eliminated By: Luke Harper
Time: 12:09

Entry Number 19: Fandango
Eliminated:
Eliminated By: El Torito
Time: 3:02

Entry Number 20: El Torito
Eliminated: Fandango
Eliminated By: Roman Reigns
Time: 1:49

Entry Number 21: Antonio Cesaro
Eliminated:
Eliminated By: Roman Reigns
Time: 17:16

Entry Number 22: Luke Harper
Eliminated: The Miz, Jey Uso
Eliminated By: Roman Reigns
Time: 15:21

Entry Number 23: Jey Uso
Eliminated:
Eliminated By: Luke Harper
Time: 4:32

Entry Number 24: JBL
Eliminated:
Eliminated By: Roman Reigns
Time: 0:49

Entry Number 25: Erick Rowan
Eliminated:
Eliminated By: Batista
Time: 5:05

Entry Number 26: Ryback
Eliminated:
Eliminated By: Batista
Time: 4:01

Entry Number 27: Alberto Del Rio
Eliminated:
Eliminated By: Batista
Time: 3:00

Entry Number 28: Batista
Eliminated: Erick Rowan, Ryback, Alberto Del Rio, Roman Reigns
Eliminated By: Winner
Time: 13:02

Entry Number 29: Big E Langston
Eliminated:
Eliminated By: Sheamus
Time: 2:49

Entry Number 30: Rey Mysterio
Eliminated:
Eliminated By: Seth Rollins
Time: 2:10

Total Rumble Time: 55 minutes, 10 seconds

RUMBLE FACTS:

• This is Batista’s second Royal Rumble Match victory as the No. 28 entrant. In his first win in 2005, he eliminated five competitors (Edge, Chris Jericho, John Cena, Snitsky, Christian).

• No Superstar other than Batista has ever won the Rumble Match as the No. 28 entrant.

• Batista is the fifth Superstar to win multiple Rumble Matches. The others are Hulk Hogan (1990 and 1991), Shawn Michaels (1995 and 1996), “Stone Cold” Steve Austin (1997, 1998 and 2001) and John Cena (2008 and 2013). All but Cena are WWE Hall of Famers.

• This was CM Punk’s second Rumble Match appearance as the No. 1 entrant. As the No. 1 entrant in 2011, he lasted 35:21 and eliminated seven competitors (Daniel Bryan, John Morrison, Mark Henry, Chris Masters, Tyler Reks, Vladimir Kozlov, R-Truth).

• Kane participated in his record 15th Royal Rumble Match. His first was in 1999 and he has competed in all since with the exception of 2012’s contest.

• Roman Reigns’ 12 eliminations breaks Kane’s 2001 record of 11 eliminations.

• Last year, Cody Rhodes eliminated Goldust. This year, Goldust eliminated Cody.

• Seth Rollins was the longest-lasting Rumble Match rookie. Only CM Punk lasted longer.

• Eight nationalities were represented in the 2013 Royal Rumble Match: United States, Ireland, Mexico, Switzerland, Ghana, India, Samoa and Bulgaria.

So, what does all of this mean?

Well, apart from the shittiest booking in all of creation, three facts stood out for me:

1. During the match, someone on the announce team stated clearly that this was Kane’s 15th consecutive Rumble. Despite the disclaimer up there in the Rumble facts about him not competing in the Rumble in 2012, they are obviously ret-conning history and giving claim to Kane’s long-standing record of consecutive Rumbles, and treating his 2012 match on the Rumble card as legit – because they know that not including him in that year’s 40 man Rumble was a fuck-up of monumental proportions. Hell, they could even exclude that year’s Rumble as not counting because it was a 40-man debacle – I don’t give a fuck. So long as Kane keeps his “consecutive Rumble streak” alive, it’s all good with me.

2. Roman Reigns broke Kane’s record for eliminations in a single Rumble. And while a part of me knows that’s actually one of the pieces of good booking in this abomination of a Rumble, I am a little sad. What would have made it better would have been for Kane to have been one of Reigns’ eliminations. Instead, they went with Punk. More on that later.

3. When Punk eliminated Kane without Kane getting a chance to eliminate anyone, I figured that was going to be this deal going forward. If Kane’s in the Rumble, he doesn’t get to eliminate anyone, because they don’t want him to beat Shawn Michaels’ record. Well fuck that! Because the recap clearly says by eliminating Punk, he’s tied the record for most eliminations total! Even if it’s not an “official” one as per the stats above.

Right! Now I’ve got that off my chest, let’s go to the pictures, shall we? Pictures are the best part! 😉

Kane 26 January 2014 – The 2014 30-Superstar Royal Rumble Match: Photos

“The Royal Rumble Match marked the first televised in-ring competition for Kane since the Oct. 28 edition of Raw.”

See? Wrestling boots! I’d recognise those shiny boots anywhere!

But holy fuck, is he ripped or what? Talk about hiding his light under a bushel! Or a series of nice suits … damn!

What’s even better than that is this amazing GIF that Pats found on Tumblr and shared with me …

-drools-

Seriously, Kane stripping should now be a feature of every appearance!

No digital of the immediate stampede and beat the shit out of Punk, or the elimination, but once more Pats comes to the rescue with this:

Holy. Fuckin’. Hell. Seriously, my ovaries a’sploded watching this. Those fucking shoulders. The chest. The wall to wall fucking muscles.

Ripped. As. Fuck.

More of this please. Much, much, much, much more!

“Kane returned after being eliminated by CM Punk earlier in the match and eliminated The Straight Edge Superstar.”

Ripped. As. Fuck. Goddamn, baby!

And it was adios Spanish announce table … jesus wept, more rippling muscles!

Seriously, Kane in those dress pants and no shirt is just pornographically luscious.

But the fun doesn’t end there!

Oh no, now that there’s the WWE App … seriously, has anyone even got this fuckin’ thing? Because everything that’s supposedly an App “exclusive” ends up on the fuckin’ website anyway.

I digress. Apologies for the tiny thumbnail, but oh man, really?

I mean, really – like I wasn’t going to click on this video!

Which is here … it’s only twenty seconds or so.

Starting about here:

Twenty seconds of pure unadulterated porn. The deep voice, that fuckin’ six pack of abs … I’m surprised he didn’t spontaneously knock Renee Young by exuding sheer male pheromones by the truckload through just breathing!

Then, of course, someone had to make the comparison …

Well duh! Like we couldn’t see that for ourselves!

But it did produce something that I found on the See No Evil 2 movie page on Facebook, which I have of course turned into an icon! (Appropriated credited, of course!) 😉

In conclusion: while there were many things I wasn’t happy about at the Royal Rumble, the Kane pornage did not disappoint! 😉

The aftermath on Raw the next night though … well, we’ll get to that next post!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Please read the terms of the licence before copying or sharing any part of this entry.

15 November 2013: WWE feature: Superstars you never thought you’d see in suits

From WWE.com:

Hell truly froze over when The Big Red Monster Kane showed up on Raw wearing a suit. As The Devil’s Favorite Demon goes corporate, WWE.com explores what other larger-than-life Superstars might look like sporting the three-piece threads.

And then of course, there’s this one that showed up on WWE.com ages ago – poorly photoshopped, but jeez, where do I get me some of that in my office?

And the ever-brilliant Dave over at SevenFootMonster22 on Facebook turned those into this, which is all kinds of awesome!!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Please read the terms of the licence before copying or sharing any part of this entry.

14 November 2013: WWE Interview – Kane

Okay, so on the heels of RAW, came this interview with Michael Cole:

“With The Authority on vacation, Michael Cole looks to Kane for answers about the chaos that erupted on Raw in Manchester, England.”

Which of course, Kane re-tweeted – man’s getting to be a regular Tweeting fool!

The interview is as funny as hell, because the first half is just this:

But then we get to see the real Kane, and that’s all kinds of good!

This one was on Kane’s Official Facebook page.

“With The Authority on vacation, Michael Cole sits down with Director of Operations, Kane, looking for answers regarding the melee that erupted on Monday’s Raw in England. Witness what finally made Kane’s temper erupt and find out when The Big Red Monster will be “utilized” again.”

Oh yeah, let’s get some of that!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Please read the terms of the licence before copying or sharing any part of this entry.

11 November 2013: RAW digitals – Kane

From WWE.com:

Kane, Brad Maddox and Vickie Guerrero argued over control of Raw

MANCHESTER, United Kingdom – Anarchy in the U.K. may be an exaggeration, but with Triple H & Stephanie McMahon on vacation, Raw’s foray across the pond ended with bickering between a trio of authority figures, with the WWE Champion left to deal with the fallout. WWE Champion Randy Orton, Raw General Manager Brad Maddox and newly-christened WWE Director of Operations Kane each claimed stewardship of the show, giving input as to which WWE Tag Team Champion Orton should face in the night’s opening contest, with the put-upon GM favoring Cody Rhodes, while Kane clamored for Goldust. With frustrations mounting, it was SmackDown General Manager Vickie Guerrero who made the proverbial lemonade, though the results left an appropriately sour expression on the “Face of WWE”: Orton would face not one Rhodes brother, but both in a 2-on-1 Handicap Match.

And seriously, this is going to be a bastard of an entry to put together, because I’m gonna end up trawling through every damn gallery to get the shots of Kane.

Who is looking absolutely fucking fine in that suit! 😉

Anywho, apparently the photos from the opening segment are hidden here:

Kane 11 November 2013 – Cody Rhodes & Goldust vs. Randy Orton – 2-on-1 Handicap Match: Photos

“Orton says he is going to retain the WWE Title at Survivor Series and remain the “Face of WWE”.”

“He also says he’s in charge of Raw.”

Ha!

“Brad Maddox tries to announce the night’s first match since The Authority is on vacation.”

Now that’s more like it! How’s that for an awesomely well-tailored suit, Pats? -drools quietly-

“Director of Operations Kane puts a stop to Orton and Maddox.”

And may I put in a request? Can we get a rear view of Kane climbing through the ropes in that suit? Cos that’s be fuckin’ AWESOME!! 😉

Kinda miss Kane in tights, but the audio porn does make up for it!

“Then SmackDown General Manager Vickie Guerrero says she’s going to do what’s best for business.”

Oh, so she’s going to give us three uninterrupted hours of Kane and Undertaker? Excellent! 😉

You know, the internet’s been losing its shit forever over whether old masked Kane is better than new masked Kane, or whether unmasked Kane is better than new masked Kane … seriously, that shit will make you nuts (although it amuses the hell out of me most of the time!).

But I gotta say, Kane unmasked lets us see his facial expressions so much better! This one’s particularly priceless! -snickering-

Also? Damn that man’s got fine legs!

Seriously, the entire Raw is such a steaming pile of badly written horseshit programming, I’m giving up on trawling through the entire thing. Instead, I’m falling back on my Facebook hookup for all things Kane, SevenFootMonster22, who provided these screencaps:

Whiny Randy always amuses me! And Kane wasn’t having any of it!

Oh jeez, those hands kill me! The posture says he’s calm, cool and collected … but we all know he’s a heartbeat away from tearing Maddox’s head off! Which would be a public service, trust me!

Again, vastly amused by Kane’s facial expressions! Complete with head tilt!

And then there’s this one, nabbed from someone on Facebook – yummy!

And holy shit, WWE’s even joined Instagram, like all of the rest of us wanna-be hipster doofus types! Kane with generic filter! 😉

Then of course, we get Kane’s Raw tweet:

And WWE.com has a poll up:

Which Kane is winning by a country mile, naturally! (And no, I only voted once!)

But the true gem of the night is this WWE.com exclusive, where Vickie Guerrero claims that she should run tonight’s Raw and Kane is a man of few words.

Few words, but excellent legs, and damn it, I still want to ruffle his hair while it’s growing in! 😉

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Please read the terms of the licence before copying or sharing any part of this entry.

4 November 2013: Raw recap … and corporate Kane!

Well, it’s been quite the week for our Big Red Monster!

Let’s start with a recap of RAW, shall we?

From WWE.com:

Big Show def. WWE Champion Randy Orton & The Shield via Disqualification

As far as rough first days back go, Big Show can certainly lay claim to an all-timer after Triple H pitted him against The Shield & Randy Orton and the giant found himself overwhelmed by the entire Authority before the bout could end. Despite the swarm of foes that attacked him, the giant fought back at each turn and refused to let his four foes overwhelm him, and it was only the reappearance of Kane – now in a suit and tie – that spelled his doom.

Without saying a word, The Devil’s Favorite Demon tossed a batch of steel chairs to Orton & The Shield, and though Big Show won via DQ when they went to work, the ensuing mugging – culminating in a Triple Powerbomb through the commentary table – was anything but a victory. In fact, with the odds even higher than ever before for Big Show, getting his job back might prove to be The World’s Largest Mistake.

Colour me surprised! And kinda delighted.

Kane 4 November 2013 – Stephanie McMahon rehires Big Show: Photos

“Kane suddenly emerges, sporting a whole new look.”

And holy fuck, that is hot! Sure, the suit’s obviously not been tailored for him, but hey, he was required to toss chairs around while wearing it, so maybe it had to be somewhat generously sized.

Anyone else notice how the tie is red? As is the handkerchief in his breast pocket? 😉

“The Viper sends Show crashing through the announce table.”

Quality control – something that happens on other people’s websites. It was a triple power bomb from The Shield.

But how odd to see Kane standing there as a bystander, instead of creating the havoc and mayhem! Although, to give him his due, he did dismantle the announce table!

“Kane and The Authority watch the vindictive attack.”

Love that he’s growing his hair back – because hot damn, Kane in a suit and a ponytail will just be killer hot! 😉

The tie is red and black … love it!

Okay, so right now he’s on The Authority’s side. Surely at some point he’s going to snap and go back to being a monster – right after they’ve released See No Evil 2, perhaps?

Because while I can see unmasking Kane will make it easier for the dumber than a bag of hammers 85% of the WWE Universe to see Kane = Jacob Goodnight – what on earth has the suit got to do with it?

From the few photos that WWE leaked (and then swiftly removed, while throwing around copyright breaches on social media sites like they were Halloween candy), Jacob ain’t wearing no suit and tie in See No Evil 2. Nor working for any so-called “authority” figures.

However, never being one to look a gift horse in the mouth, I am not going to complain if it means Kane continues to get some TV time. I even had a thought this morning that being in the suit might be a way to keep him on TV but without the intense physicality of actually wrestling, as a way to allow him to extend his performing career.

We’ll see, I guess!

What amused me even more was Kane’s tweet after Raw:

Now, in addition to the official Raw digitals, I nabbed a couple more shots from my ever-faithful Facebook timeline!

SevenFootMonster22 provided these screencaps.

And this one comes from the official WWE Facebook page … I think I may like this super-short hair even more than I used to dig the bunny fuzz! Want to just ruffle it with both hands, it’s so cute! 😉

Almost the next day, WWE.com posted this pic, to unveil Kane’s new corporate look:

SevenFootMonster22 made it even more evocative, alluding to WWE referring to it as “Kane’s forgotten mask”:

Sure, some of these are just the rehashed-Raw digitals, but, OCD and all, here they are!

Kane reveals his new corporate look

Same pictures, better size! 😉

Whoa, is Kane more approachable is a suit? I’ve seen fans reach out to touch him while he’s been battling through the audience before, but it hardly ever happens at ringside!

If the gods are kind to me, Kane will at some point get to wipe the smug look off Steph’s face in a big way! 😉

Going on record now – Kane in a suit and tie is eminently fuckable! Oops, did I say that out loud? 😉

This picture makes me giggle!

We’ve got Trips, expressionless – because he can’t act worth a damn.

We’ve got Steph with the comic book “evil villain sneer” that she obviously learned from her dad.

And we’ve got Kane, with that hint of a smile that says, hey yeah, I’m digging the carnage.

So who’s the real monster, huh?

Seriously, carton of beer or tipple of choice to the person in Wardrobe who picked the red tie with the subtle black stripes for Kane, as an homage to his previous costuming – full points!

“Carnage and mayhem – my work here is done” – the look of a satisfied monster! Steph still wearing her comic book sneer … man, none of the McMahons can act! (Well, Shane could, but he’s not around no more so he doesn’t count!)

Lucky it’s coming into winter, or that suit might be uncomfortably warm! 😉

I’m always thinking about the welfare of our monster! That’s just how I roll! 😉

Nice!

Is it just me, or is Kane looking a bit covetously at the title belt Randy is holding up there?

Hmmm …

Then came the announcement that Kane had been made “Director of Operations”, whatever that means!

If you missed it, here it is:

Triple H answers questions about who the new “Corporate” Kane is: WWE.com exclusive

In an exclusive interview with Michael Cole, WWE CEO Triple H reveals Kane has been appointed WWE Director of Operations.

My take away from this “interview” is:

• Kane asked for an opportunity
• His role as Director of Operations – we have to wait and see what that means
• Triple H trusts Kane … bwahahahahaha! That’s a classic blunder!

And again, Kane tweeted:

Is it wrong that I get a little giggle out of knowing that Kane and I are both Android users, not iPhone sheep? 😉

There’s no official tour photos of the event yet, but from PWI comes the following report:

“Director of Operations” Kane had his first day on the job at Friday’s WWE live event in Brussels. He came out wearing a suit and interfered in the Big Show vs. Randy Orton match, allowing Orton to get the win. After the match, Kane shook Orton’s hand and called out The Shield to give Big Show a beatdown. Show ended up making a comeback and challenging Kane to come in the ring. Kane ended up leaving without a fight.

Justin Roberts tweeted the following:

Justin Roberts @JustinRoberts
Woah! It’s @KaneWWE at #WWEBrussels #BestForBusiness??

with the following photo (and yep, Kane retweeted it!)

And oh yeah, Kane’s wearing a tailored suit this time … HolyMaryMotherOfGod, talk about your Big Red Sex God!

Kane himself tweeted:

(via the web this time, guess he doesn’t have international roaming on his Android! -snickering-)

Look, I got no idea where this storyline is going. Knowing WWE, they’ll fuck it up somehow.

But for now, I’m enjoying seeing Kane in a suit, and yep, getting a little fangirl thrill when one of his tweets pops up!

This has been my weekly ramble! 😉

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Please read the terms of the licence before copying or sharing any part of this entry.

27 October 2013: PPV digitals – Kane

He’s BAAAAAAACK!!

(courtesy SevenFootMonster22 on Facebook)

From WWE.com:

Miz calls out Bray Wyatt and Kane returns!

MIAMI – The Miz wasn’t cleared for a match at WWE Hell in a Cell, but he was ready for a fight with The Wyatt Family. Instead, what he and the WWE Universe got was one Hell of a surprise return from one of WWE’s most monstrous figures.

During Sunday night’s WWE Hell in a Cell Kickoff, Miz tracked down SmackDown General Manager Vickie Guerrero in an attempt to have a match made for later in the evening that would see The Awesome One battle Bray Wyatt. However, because of the attack Miz suffered at the hands of The Eater of Worlds and The Wyatt Family on SmackDown, he was not medically cleared to compete, and Vickie refused to make the match.

Determined in his quest for retribution, The Awesome One made his way into the AmericanAirlines Arena to call out Bray Wyatt. However, responding to the challenge from an undisclosed location, Bray Wyatt informed The Miz that it pained him to see his potential challenger “broken.” During Wyatt’s diatribe, Luke Harper and Erick Rowan attacked Miz from behind.

Facing another brutal beating , Miz received a shocking assist as fire erupted inside the arena and Kane made his return. The Big Red Monster sent Harper and Rowan fleeing from the ring as The Awesome One and the WWE Universe looked on in shock. However, the WWE Universe was doubly astonished when Kane turned toward The Most-Must See Superstar in WWE History and almost put him through the canvas with a devastating chokeslam.

Following his actions, Kane tweeted for only the second time ever:

Although Kane’s return was an unexpected surprise at WWE Hell in a Cell, a bevy of questions remain with no insight provided by his tweet. Where has The Big Red Monster been since being carried off by The Wyatt Family at SummerSlam? And why did he direct his fiery fury from those who brutally wronged him at The Biggest Party of the Summer to a Superstar who of late has shared a fate similar to his own? The Miz and the WWE Universe deserve some answers…though asking Kane the questions will undoubtedly prove to be Hell.

Second ever Kane tweet … and I missed it! Had to go look on my Tweetdeck and there it was:

#As #You #Can #See, @KaneWWE #Has #Mastered #The #ArtOfHashtagging! 😉 (Right down to capitalising each word, to make it easier to read – who doesn’t love a smart monster?)

Kane 27 October 2013 – Kane returns and attacks The Wyatt Family: Photos

So, to set the scene here (and because frankly, I’ve got no clue what’s been going on with WWE programming because unless there’s a chance of Kane, I don’t even bother watching), apparently The Miz was feuding with Bray Wyatt … until Wyatt fell over and injured himself. Again.

And Big Show’s on a tear again, and knocking people out with his Weapon of Mass Destruction (can we not just turn Show face again, please? This whole “broke and fired” scenario’s been played to death), and he knocked Miz out a week ago. Or a month ago. Who the hell knows?

Anyway. Miz wanted a match with Wyatt – unlikely, considered Bray can’t even walk right now. But god forbid we admit that, so we’re going with the line that Miz isn’t medically cleared to wrestle.

Which apparently equates to being cleared to have the shit kicked out of him and be chokeslammed, but whatevs. 😉

It’s all an excuse for Miz to do what he does best – get on the mic and talk smack. Wyatt also gets to do what he does best – deliver a promo from a rocking chair. Via Titan-tron. Whatevs. 😉

Wyatt’s goons (goon 1 and goon 2, because I still can’t get their names straight, and WWE doesn’t seem like they want us to know them individually, because they always lump them together) hit the ring and commence the assault that Miz was apparently cleared for, even though he wasn’t cleared to wrestle.

With me so far?

“A sudden blinding flash halts the arena.”

Red lights! Fire! You know what that means!!

“Kane returns to confront Harper and Rowan!”

Oh. My.

What say we pass the hat around and take up a collection to buy the Soska Sisters a whole bunch of whatever they love the best? Because hot DAMN! They surely took excellent care of our Monster on the See No Evil 2 set!

That is one lean, mean sex Red Machine! -fans self-

And yay! We’re back to the weave … errr, Kane still has his long hair! 😉 (Which I take to mean he’s busily growing back his hair after shaving it off for the movie – excellent news for those of us who are fans of the hair! And yes, that would be me!)

Lord have mercy … right into it with rippling back and shoulder muscles!! And forearm, because you all know I love me some Kane forearm!

It’s not shown in the digitals, but thanks to a certain wonderful someone (SevenFootMonster22 on Facebook), I caught a peek of the video of this segment.

First Kane levelled goon 1 with a big boot outside the ring, before giving goon 2 that shoulder to the gut through the ropes.

Once Kane was in the ring, he went for what looked like it should have been a Tombstone Piledriver … and goon 2 flubbed it. Didn’t get himself into the right position and made it impossible for Kane to get him up for the move.

The comments on SevenFootMonster22’s Facebook page were all about that, but I think the mods there are right – I suspect this segment got barely any thought and little or no prep. And while Miz and Kane are experienced enough to be able to just go with it and make it happen, goon 1 and goon 2 are too green yet to cope in that situation.

So, like the professional he is, Kane just moved on and turfed goon 2 over the top rope instead. (And goon 2 couldn’t even manage that terribly gracefully -sigh-)

“The Big Red Monster takes out Harper and Rowan.”

HolyMaryMotherOfGod, look how lean Kane is! Wow!

Best ass in the company and damn, look at those legs!

And while you’re looking at the legs, note this – not wearing the brace on the left knee! Now, that may be because this was a segment barely two minutes long, but maybe it also means the knee’s feeling stronger after the breaks he’s had this year.

Me? I’m just going to be over here, quietly admiring the line of that lean thigh under his tights for a bit …

😉

Best of both worlds! We get to admire the back muscles, while simultaneously getting a close up shot of his chest on the Titan-tron – bonus!

“Rowan and Harper watch on as Kane suddenly turns his attention toward The Miz …”

” … and The Big Red Monster levels The Awesome One!”

-wiping the drool off my chin-

Dominant Big Red Monster – where do I get me some of that?

Those who think this means Kane has now joined The Wyatt Family? Think again! This means that The Monster is back on his own terms – which means woe betide anyone who gets in his way!

Still blown away by how good he looks!

That’s what we’ve missed! Yay for having Kane back!

Oh and for all those “experts” out there who say Kane made his debut at Hell in a Cell? Wrong – Kane made his debut during a Hell in a Cell match. The very first Hell in a Cell match, between the Undertaker and Mankind. The Pay Per View was Badd Blood, and the year was 1997. You’re welcome.

😉

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Please read the terms of the licence before copying or sharing any part of this entry.