17 December 2012: RAW digitals – Kane

From WWE.com:

The Shield brawled with Ryback, WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No and Ric Flair

Justice, it appears, knows no boundaries, as The Shield showed no mercy in their beatdown of an outmatched Ric Flair moments after his return to WWE. Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns had just begun to decimate the two-time WWE Hall of Famer when hellfire erupted and WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No thundered to “The Nature Boy’s” aid. Not even the demented duo of Kane & Daniel Bryan could save “Naitch” from the renegade trio, who prepared to unleash the triple powerbomb on Flair and send him through the announce table …

Until, that is, feeding time started.

Showing no ill effects of The Shield’s handiwork the previous night at WWE TLC, Ryback stormed to the ring and laid waste to Ambrose, Rollins and Reigns one by one. His presence seemingly galvanized the Tag Team Champions, and the trio quickly beat The Shield back into the crowd before hoisting Flair into the lights for a well-earned welcome back moment. We missed you, Ric.

Oh fuck me . . . Flair? And the old bastard was getting his gear off in the ring – for pity’s sake, did they not add that as a contract stipulation? Must stay full clothed at all times and NO BLEEDING. -shakes head-

Kane 17 December 2012 – Ric Flair challenges CM Punk: Photos

“WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No emerge for retribution.”

Yes indeedy!

Hmpf. We’re back to The Shield (look, seriously, change that bloody name – it’s stupid) being way tougher than Kane.

“Team Hell No and Ryback celebrate with Flair.”

Hmpf. And Team Hell No needs Ryback around if they ever want to beat The Shield. And to do the heavy lifting.

Disappointed!

There is video of this travesty here on WWE.com. What part of “retired” did Flair have trouble understanding?

Again, from WWE.com:

Santino Marella and Tensai presented LOL Moment of the Year to The Rock

The laughs just kept on coming during the presentation for LOL Moment of the Year, which honored the funniest moments of the year that was. Things started off promisingly with presenters Santino Marella and Tensai, who was still disoriented from his loss to Kofi Kingston and took an impromptu tumble on the stage en route to the podium (the Slammys: They make you humble). After a brief linguistics lesson (Tensai is Japanese for “Fat Albert,” apparently), the odd couple presented the Slammy to The Rock for his disposal of John Cena’s merchandise in the Boston Harbor earlier this year. And while The Great One could not accept his Slammy in person, there was one man who was around to comment on the WWE Universe’s selection: Daniel Bryan, who stormed onto the stage and screamed the Slammy should have been his, as Team Hell No were nominated for their anger management sessions. But as the submission technician inched precariously closer to a total meltdown, Kane came to the rescue, carrying Bryan literally kicking and screaming off the stage.

Silly, but also rather funny!

“No! No! No! This should be MY Slammy!” the WWE Tag Team Champion says.

Damnit, Kane and DBryan are just having way too much fun with this!

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17 December 2012: RAW mention – Undertaker

Jim Ross, “Mean” Gene Okerlund and Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat awarded Match of the Year to Triple H and The Undertaker

It’s tough to imagine anything announcing the most prestigious Slammy of the night other than the dulcet tones of “Mean” Gene Okerlund. The WWE Universe got two extra bangs for its buck, though, when Jim Ross and Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat took to the stage in an effort to present the Match of the Year Slammy. And what else could it have been besides the epic confrontation between The Undertaker and Triple H at WrestleMania XXVIII — the “End of an Era” Match that took The Phenom to 20-0 on The Grandest Stage of Them All. The King of Kings accepted the award on behalf of both men, thanking the WWE Universe and issuing a jaw-dropping promise: “You have not seen the last of The Undertaker.”

If you haven’t seen that match yet, this video of the presentation of the award contains some highlights. (Worth it for hearing JBL on commentary say that, “somewhere watching this at home is a Deadman with a huge smile on his face”!)

Of course, it was Triple H who accepted the Slammy. But he did say we haven’t heard the last of the Undertaker. Jim Ross has been saying that for years – that if ‘Taker was hanging it up, the WWE would hardly let that pass without some kind of tribute or announcement.

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16 December 2012: PPV digitals – Kane

From WWE.com:

The Shield def. Team Hell No & Ryback (Tables, Ladders & Chairs Match) BY Matthew Artus

Brooklyn, N.Y. — From WWE’s first visit to Brooklyn, N.Y., in more than three decades to the first pay-per-view held in New York City’s most populous borough (most people think it’s Manhattan), WWE TLC 2012 will forever be remembered by the WWE Universe as a night of new beginnings.

Unfortunately for Team Hell No & Ryback, their inaugural trip to the new Barclays Center ended in frustration while their mysterious opponents, The Shield, achieved an important milestone.

The troublemaking threesome of Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns seized victory in their WWE debut bout by besting their rivals Sunday evening in the first-ever Tables, Ladders & Chairs Match in WWE history to be decided solely by pinfall or submission. Reigns clinched the win for his side by putting Daniel Bryan through a table with a powerbomb as Ryback and Kane lied helpless.

Though their participation was ordered by decree of WWE Chairman Mr. McMahon less than two weeks ago, the combatants in the Six-Man TLC Match certainly needed little motivation to get amped up for the contest. The Shield introduced themselves to the WWE Universe by targeting Ryback during his WWE Title opportunity against CM Punk at Survivor Series 2012. Explaining the tactics as a symbol of their efforts to shield WWE from what they perceived as “injustice,” Ambrose, Rollins & Reigns then expanded their efforts by attacking Team Hell No and other Superstars without warning.

The reigning WWE Tag Team Champions aligned with Ryback in hopes of taking The Shield upstarts down a notch at WWE TLC. Despite no disqualifications or count-outs in effect as well as an abundant supply of tables, ladders and chairs at their disposal, Team Hell No and the fledgling brute still had their hands full with the NXT invaders.

Both the titleholders and Ryback got the jump on their opponents as the three insurgents approached ringside through the capacity crowd at the Barclays Center. Their initial tactic of divide and conquer appeared to work in the early goings, as the six-sided battle briefly turned into three one-on-one brawls that favored the ring veterans.

Things then took a turn for the extreme as Kane, the only competitor in the match with prior experience in a TLC Match, introduced the first ladder into play. Reigns countered that by bringing the first chair into the melee and using it to neutralize the imposing presence of The Devil’s Favorite Demon.

That theme — constantly and consistently evening the odds — repeated itself through the rest of the match, as the members of The Shield employed a strategy of ganging up on individual opponents whenever possible. As Kane attacked Rollins by sandwiching him in a ladder, Ambrose appeared to level The Big Red Monster with a DDT onto a chair. When Ryback prepared to knock out Ambrose and Rollins by leaving them Shell Shocked, Reigns emerged to break up the attempt. Soon after, the intimidating Ryback found himself on the wrong end of a three-man powerbomb through the Spanish announce Table.

Then The Shield elevated a highly anticipated clash into a true slobberknocker. Ambrose and Rollins propped up a table over the corner of the ring, then promptly used it as a platform from which they hurled Bryan with a superplex. As Kane came to the aid of his partner, Reigns kept him at bay and eventually put the tag titleholder out of commission with a sternum crushing spear through the ringside barrier. And after Bryan’s final attempts to claim victory by making each of the NXT invaders tap out with the “No!” Lock, he fell prey to a timely boot blast by Rollins.

Ryback managed to make the save at that point, but he chose to follow his opponents’ path down the entrance ramp and toward the stage area. He even managed to finish off Rollins by pushing the former NXT competitor off a ladder into a pair of tables stacked high, but that small moral victory left him far from the bout’s final moments.

As Ryback regained his senses near the entrance ramp, Ambrose and Reigns doubled up on the outnumbered Bryan in the middle of the squared circle. The diabolical duo finally put Bryan through a table with a vicious powerbomb, leaving him lifeless on the ring apron. Reigns folded Bryan up for an easy pinfall.

With the win, each member of The Shield now joins a select group of Superstars who won their WWE debut match at a pay-per-view. That group also includes Kane, who defeated Mankind in his first WWE bout at Survivor Series 1997. (WATCH)

Unfortunately for The Big Red Monster, neither he nor his WWE TLC teammates could preclude Ambrose, Rollins & Reigns from accomplishing that feat. And it remains to be seen if anyone in WWE can stop The Shield from imposing their will on the WWE Universe in the weeks and months to come.

Even without the damn spelling and grammar errors in the write-up, this PPV was a monumental waste of time and money.

Kane 16 December 2012 – Ryback & Team Hell No v.s The Shield – TLC Match: Photos

“Ryback and Team Hell No wait impatiently for The Shield to hit the ring for their Tables, Ladders & Chairs Match.”

Oh sweet Jesus, Ryback looks like a drooling idiot!

And The Shield, such rebels – we don’t need no stinkin’ entrance ramp, we’re gonna come all up through the crowd, yo. -facepalm-

So we’re like two-thirds of the way through this match before we get a shot of Kane?

Two of The Shield idiots – who frankly are inter-changeable to me – got Kane up on a table balanced over the ropes in the corner, thinking to try a powerbomb on him. Instead, he hit one of them with the diving clothesline from it!

Funny, he didn’t look exactly comfortable up there!

“Reigns viciously speared Kane through the ringside barrier.”

Leading someone on commentary to remark that the time keeper just woke up! 😉

It was kinda a “Holy shit!” moment – that barrier just imploded! Then Reigns and one of the other dogs started piling stuff on top of Kane and that was the last that was seen of our Big Red Sex God.

Yeah, fuck dat.

Where do I get my money back for that steaming pile of shit?

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10 December 2012: RAW digitals – Kane

From WWE.com:

John Cena def. World Heavyweight Champion Big Show via Disqualification, The Shield attacked

Resuming their brutal rivalry from the summer, John Cena and World Heavyweight Champion Big Show collided in an earth-shaking contest in the Prudential Center that saw the Cenation leader notch a disqualification victory amid a scene of unimaginable chaos.

With Dolph Ziggler sitting at commentary, Cena came out swinging against The World’s Largest Athlete and that strategy worked about as well as you’d expect, with the giant showing no ill effects after the Cenation leader’s opening sequence. The two strongmen took turns slugging each other for the majority of the contest before Cena made his big play, reversing Big Show’s chokeslam into a DDT and showing off his agility in an attempt to slow down the giant’s momentum. Big Show countered with a power move of his own, wrapping the 10-time WWE Champion in an iron-tight bear hug and forcing Cena toward the mat.

The Cenation leader kept his footing, however, breaking Show’s lock and looking to lock in the STF before Big Show booted him through the ropes. The giant continued his onslaught on Cena, hauling him into the barricade and nearly earning a win by count-out. Cena stormed back into the ring at the last minute but found himself immediately cut down by a Big Show clothesline. Show eventually forced Cena into a corner with bad intentions on his mind, and the giant gleefully pancaked a prone Cena with a top-rope splash. Unwilling to stop at just one, though, Show dragged Cena across the ring and attempted an encore, but Cena rolled out of the way and executed the Attitude Adjustment to put Big Show on his back.

Before he could make the cover, though, catastrophe struck.

Seth Rollins stormed the ring from cover of the crowd, swarming Cena (and giving him the win via disqualification in the process) as his Shield cohorts Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns quickly followed suit. As Big Show joined in the onslaught, fire erupted from the stage and Team Hell No sprinted down to the ring to even the odds. Dolph Ziggler was next in the fray, tilting the scales back away from Cena and company and bringing out Sheamus to level the playing field yet again. The Celtic Warrior made a beeline for Ziggler, accosting The Showoff out of the ring and into the crowd while Cena speared Big Show through a table propped up against the turnbuckle.

The Shield, however, continued their mangling of the Tag Team Champions, but the Newark crowd seemed to know salvation was close at hand. As chants of “FEED ME MORE!” boomed through the Prudential Center, Ryback’s music hit and the beast himself marched down to the ring, tossing a ladder into all three members of The Shield and joining in the chaos as Raw faded to black off a scene of unimaginable chaos: bodies, boots, fists, kicks, punches, monsters, goat faces, Irishmen, champions, contenders, showoffs, thugs and, of course, tables, ladders and chairs. Oh my.

Now, I don’t know that I’d say Team Hell No “sprinted” to the ring, but whatever damage Kane did to his knee at Tribute to the Troops? Didn’t really slow him down.

And despite the fact that he was in there brawling with the rest of them, the only shot of him is on the Raw homepage:

There is of course video here on WWE.com – enjoy!

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14 December 2012: SmackDown digitals – Kane

From WWE.com:

“Miz TV” with special guests Team Hell No got interrupted by The Shield

“Miz TV” welcomed WWE Tag Team Champions Hell No to discuss their upcoming pay-per-view showdown at WWE TLC, where they will team up with Ryback against The Shield. Kane and Bryan talked about how Bryan would release all of his so-called anger on the group without mercy and how the treacherous trio made a big mistake by attacking them because it only served to unify the usually dysfunctional tag team.

Team Hell No were soon interrupted by another Shield video — from an undisclosed location somewhere within the arena — in which the rogue faction looked to get into the heads of their pay-per-view opponents. When Kane proposed they not wait until WWE TLC, Ambrose, Rollins and Reigns appeared in the crowd, seemingly ready to strike.

But when the fierce Ryback stomped to the ring and joined his partners for the imminent battle, The Shield immediately rethought their strategy.

So, there’s apparently a reason why there was precious little Kane for our viewing pleasure this week. It seems that at the taping of the Tribute to the Troops last weekend, he uncharacteristically stumbled on the ramp during his entrance and tweaked his knee. Guess they were giving him a light week to make sure he’d be good to go for the Pay Per View on Sunday.

Or Vince McMahon was backstage at Raw and re-writing the show on the fly and forgot until the dying minutes that they were trying to sell a bloody PPV and they hadn’t done anything with the guys who now have, by default, one of the headline matches.

Take your pick!

Kane 14 December 2012 – ‘Miz TV’ with Team Hell No: Photos

Oh yeah, I’m good with this – any time Kane gets a mic, we get the audio porn!

Although he’s letting Goatface do much of the talking . . .

Now we’re getting the good stuff!

And oh my freakin’ gods, this is one of those shots where you can see the little fuzzy hairs on Kane’s shoulder and back and that just sends me all to mush!

So now that these two psychopaths are on the same page, seein’ as how DBryan’s tapped into his “inner monster”, you’d think they’d basically be not the targets to mess with, right?

So then The Shield shows up on the Tron, doing their keyboard warrior/internet smart mark/”I live in my parents’ basement’ webcammy thing . . . and by the by, does anyone else think Dean Ambrose is one skeevy looking pervert? He’s a trench coat away from being a park flasher, I swear!

Anyway, they’re all big talk (see, toldya they were just keyboard warriors!) until Kane kinda growls, “Why wait til Sunday?” And I about died of lust on the spot.  Talk about your pure audio porn!

And lo, magically The Shield doth appear in the crowd! Verily and forsooth!

Man, talk about cheesy.

The Shield is apparently in the process of growing a set to come on down and take Kane up on his offer, until Ryback shows up and they decide against it.

Buh?

I mean, I personally find Ryback disgusting. He’s not attractive, he’s all lumpy! He looks like he’d have a hard time walking and chewing gum at the same time. That thing where he marches around the ring with a guy on his shoulders? Looks exactly like he can’t remember how to walk! And he had that nasty case of pink eye that gave me the absolute creeps!

I also don’t think he’s as “over” as WWE wants us to believe. The crowd chant “Feed me more!” because these are words of one syllable and they are sheep.

So why is it again that Team Hell No need this walking diaper stain? Just to make up the numbers? To give Ryback something to do at the PPV since Punk’s out with a knee injury? Because he’s younger than Kane and stronger than DBryan and they plan to have him do all the heavy lifting?

I gotta tell you, he is gonna fuck with the Kane porn factor in that match big time!

-shudders- Just . . . no. Get the feeling I’ll be watching the PPV with one hand up to block the view of that ugly mudsucker.

WWE.com has the video here – enjoy!

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30 November 2012: SmackDown digitals – Kane

From WWE.com:

Kofi Kingston begged Team Hell No to get on the same page

With a Six-Man Tag Team Match against Wade Barrett & The Prime Time Players on tap, Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston pleaded with Tag Team Champions Team Hell No to get on the same page. For once, Kane & Daniel Bryan seemed to agree with one another, as Kane and Bryan both answered Kofi with a resounding, YES!”

(See the video here – mutual admiration society, come on down!)

Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston & WWE Tag Team Champion Team Hell No won Six-Man Tag Team Match

Proving Friday night is, in fact, “all right for fighting,” the blue brand faithful were treated to an action-packed Six-Man Tag Team Match that saw Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston & Tag Team Champions Team Hell No battle Wade Barrett & The Prime Time Players.

Barrett & The Prime Time Players worked in perfect tandem, but Kane & Bryan proved they, too, could thrive with a little teamwork.

Facing “Mr. No Days Off” Darren Young, Kane planted him with a Chokeslam. The Devil’s Favorite Demon then puzzled the WWE Universe, opting to use good teamwork and tag in Bryan rather than attempt the victory himself. Bryan connected off the top rope, before snapping in the “No!” Lock and making Young promptly tap out.

Regardless of whether Team Hell No’s ability to work together had anything to do with “The Shield’s” attack on a vulnerable Kane Monday night, one thing is certain: Team Hell No on the same page is more destructive than hell itself.

Kane 30 November 2012 – Kofi Kingston & Team Hell No vs. Wade Barrett & The Prime Time Players: Photos

Entering as a team – that’s progress, right? 😉

Still cannot get over Kane being even leaner!! And man, what an ass-whupping party this was!

At least, I think it was – I was kinda busy with melted chocolate and Christmas cookies at the time. I do promise faithfully to watch the match with my full attention during a workout over the next day or so! 😉

Also? Shoulderporn!!

You know, I’m beginning to think Kane just breathing is a shoulderporn moment!!

Nice ass!

(You know I was going to say that!)

😉

Okay, apart from the shoulderporn, dear gods, the lighting on this one shows off those little fuzzy hairs on his forearm, which makes me go all to mush!

Move along, nothing to see here. Just a big red psychopath being a good boy on the ring apron. 😉

My usual complaint about Kane in tag matches – not enough Kane pictures! But what pictures there are? Oh yeah, shoulderporn!!!

Oh this was just fuckin’ adorkable! Kane hits Darren Young (who will forever be “black John Cena” to me!) with that chokeslam, then tags DBryan in. DBryan goes up top with Kane acting as cheer squad, and then Kane’s done the whole “Take him down!” thing with his arms as DBryan lands the flying head butt!!

Those silly little moments make all the fast forwarding kinda worth it!

Awwwwwwwwwwww!

(Also? Phwoar!!!!! You all know where I’m looking!)

WWE.com has video here – enjoy!

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26 November 2012: RAW digitals – Kane

From WWE.com:

WWE Champion CM Punk def. WWE Tag Team Champion Kane; The Shield attacked again

The WWE Universe spoke, and so it was that CM Punk, on the 372nd night of his WWE Title reign, found himself in hell once again. Renewing their rivalry from earlier this year, The Second City Saint and The Devil’s Favorite Demon collided in a RAWactive Match when Punk took on WWE Tag Team Champion Kane in a hard-hitting bout that shook the Cajundome to its core.

And while there was no romantic entanglement to motivate either man this time around, Punk and Kane both came out swinging, with The Second City Saint unleashing body shots on The Big Red Machine in an attempt to slow the Tag Team Champion down before he could get the ball rolling. Kane, for his part, adopted an unusually patient game plan, absorbing Punk’s attacks and retaliating with quick bursts while the champion preened for the crowd. Kane hit The Voice of the Voiceless with a barrage of chops in the corner before bouncing Punk off the ropes and booting him from the ring.

Punk switched up his style quickly after that, targeting Kane’s legs and lulling the demon into a false sense of security by playing possum, milking an injured knee to force Kane’s guard down. The strategy paid dividends when Punk executed a dive that left Kane reeling, following the attack by stomping on the monster’s legs and softening him up for a pair of running knees into the corner.

The third knee, however, didn’t go so great for him. Kane surged forward as Punk went for the trifecta, decking the champion with a chop to the face and flattening Punk with a sidewalk slam. Kane then set him up for the flying clothesline that so often precedes the Chokeslam.

But Punk was ready for Kane’s signature move, ducking under the demon’s gloved hand and countering with a swinging neckbreaker. Kane got the last word in, however, when he caught Punk in the middle of his own flying clothesline and finally planted the champion with the Chokeslam. With Punk down, Kane decided to seal the match with a statement and called for the Tombstone, but it wasn’t long before a trio of interlopers made themselves known. The Shield slowly materialized from the crowd, and their presence was enough to distract Kane for Punk to execute the Go to Sleep on The Big Red Monster. The Second City Saint quickly put the Tag Champion down and left him to the mercy of The Shield, who swarmed the ring and rained blows upon the prone Kane. Daniel Bryan suffered a similar fate when he ran to his partner’s aid, and just when it seemed like Punk would get off scot-free, Ryback returned for a piece of the action.

For once, though, his attentions were focused elsewhere than Punk because Ryback made a beeline for The Shield, planting Rollins with a powerbomb and cutting Ambrose and Reigns down with a pair of Meathook Clotheslines before Punk struck from behind. Ryback’s attempt to powerbomb the champ into oblivion proved fruitless when Reigns felled Ryback with a spear. With the beast vulnerable, The Shield ended their onslaught as they had the past two instances: a triple powerbomb that left Ryback limp on the mat, with Punk standing tall yet again over his TLC opponent. Whether he’ll be doing so again in three weeks’ time at Barclays Center remains to be seen.

This week’s edition of the Raw results brought to you by the Cajundome! Godalmighty, every single page of the results referred to the arena by name – every. Single. One.

You think that was a condition of hire? 😉

Kane 26 November 2012 – Kane vs. CM Punk: Photos

“WWE Tag Team Champion Kane faces Punk in the main event on Raw.”

After an amusing backstage segment (“I think your data is skewed” -snickering-) and with controversy brewing over the validity of the poll! Apparently some folk are actually counting the number of #Hashtags and coming up with a win for DBryan. WWE staffers need to be more #Diligent #In #Their #Use #Of #Hastags when rigging a vote. Because #It #Is #All #About #The #Hashtags.

Nice action shot, with his -cough-weave-cough- hair flowing in the breeze there!

Kane is so damn good, he can give us shoulderporn even flat on his back! 😉

“Kane was picked by the WWE Universe in the RAWactive poll to face the WWE Champion.”

I’m sorry, I’ll have to correct that – Kane was picked by WWE staffers in the RAWactive poll. Because I’ll bet you they had interns and other pencil pushers voting like mad to make sure it came out how they wanted!

I can imagine the conversations over Christmas lunches this year . . . “So what is it you do for the WWE?”

“I log into multiple Twitter accounts and tweet the right hashtags to make sure the polls come out the way we want, grandma.”

“You do what now?”

-snickering-

Oh, and there’s more shoulderporn! 😉

More shoulderporn! Is it Christmas already? 😉

“Punk will have to defend his WWE Championship in a Tables, Ladders & Chairs Match at WWE TLC against Ryback.”

Who the hell cares? SHOULDERPORN!!

Actually, I care about the Ryback match. Only because if he gets that oozing case of pink eye back, Punk might catch it, and if Punk has another match with Kane . . . ewwww.

Also, has anyone noticed that Ryback ain’t exactly the most graceful of dudes? Sure, he’s jacked, and strong, but damnit, the man has trouble just walking – I can’t see him climbing a ladder with any success.

In fact, I can’t even work out why he’s in the main event picture at all, except he’s built like a tank and that’s what Vince likes. He might be a real nice guy, but he’s total shit on the mic and that gimmick is freakin’ creepy. Just cos the 85% of mouth breathers in the audience ooh and aah over him and chant “Feed me more!” is not an indication they like him – it’s more that’s a really easy thing to chant. Nothing tricky like a poly-syllabic word to trip them up, just the sheeple equivalent of “Baa baa baa”.

Wow, tangent! Sorry ’bout that – moving on!

😉

Squee!! Diving clotheseline!!

Now, having only seen the endless recapping of this match on every fuckin’ WWE show this week, I’m not sure whether this was a DDT from Kane, or neckbreaker from Punk.

So let’s just enjoy the visual of Kane’s big boot compared to Punk’s, and think about what they say about the size of a man’s foot . . .

😉

“The Big Red Monster sets up Punk for a vicious Chokeslam.”

And this is the first of the digitals where you can really see it, but damn, Kane’s lost even more weight! He’s positively svelte!!

Nice!!

Also nice! That is one mother of a chokeslam!!

“Punk’s associate, Paul Heyman, gets involved in the match.”

Okay, so is this Paul Heyman angle going anywhere?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a Paul Heyman guy – he’s brilliant, but so far with Punk? He’s been a belt-toting nothing much.

Are we gonna see him being behind “The Shield”? (And seriously, The Shield? Bitch please, which one of the writers has a hard-on for The Avengers, huh?) I’m waiting for the other boot to drop and it’s a damn long time coming. What happens when Lesnar shows up again? We know he’s going to – he’s got a contract for more appearances.

At the moment, this is all just a hella-confused sort of storyline – are they that out of practice with storylines?

Anyway, more importantly – shoulderporn in the background!

😉

Because I’m #All #About #The #Shoulderporn!

“Meanwhile, Kane is distracted by The Shield in the crowd.”

Say what?

Look at the damn crowd – half of them are wearing black t-shirts! The Shield ain’t eaxctly sticking out to me! Kane must have really great eyes! To go with his really great ass! But I digress! 😉

All just a convenient excuse to get Kane to look away so Punk could sneak up behind him and grab him for the GTS when he turned back around – I know how these things work!

Upside down shoulderporn! 😉

“Because of the distraction, Punk is able to hit Kane with the Go To Sleep for the victory.”

And Kane gives us shoulderporn even so! Multi-talented, I tell you! 😉

“While Kane is down, Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins go in for the attack.”

Another bloody invasion angle! Jesus wept, someone buy those bastards in Creative a freakin’ new idea!

And then there’s all kinds of confused shit going on – DBryan charges to Kane’s rescue, which is cute. Ryback shows up, wtf? The Shield apparently think Ryback’s a big festering mound of injustice too, so he’s in for an all-black gangbang too . . .

Honestly, it just makes me head hurt. Guess that’s why I’m watching most of the current WWE programming on 30x fast forward.

WWE.com has video here, but if you’ve seen any other WWE programming this week, you’ll already have seen it. Multiple times. Guess that’s one way to fill up so many hours of TV time!

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23 November 2012: SmackDown digitals – Kane

From WWE.com:

World Heavyweight Champion Big Show def. WWE Tag Team Champions Hell No in a Handicap Match

Earlier on SmackDown, General Manager Booker T confronted Sheamus about his recent volatile actions against Big Show, asking him about the brawl in the parking lot last Friday night and the unrelenting post-match chair attack at Survivor Series. He told the Irish Superstar that although he would not let him compete this week for fear of what he might do, The Celtic Warrior would get his much deserved rematch against Big Show – a brutal Chair Match at WWE TLC: Tables, Ladders & Chairs.

To ensure there wouldn’t be any more disorder in the meantime between the two mighty Superstars, the head of SmackDown offered The Celtic Warrior his skybox suite, high above the ring, away from his giant adversary.

Sheamus took Booker’s offer, sitting with William Regal at his side, as Big Show battled both of the WWE Tag Team Champions Hell No in a fiercely competitive Handicap Match.

But, when Bryan tagged himself into the match in the final moments of the contest, an angry Kane opted to leave his partner in the ring. Moments later, the giant soon regained his edge, chokeslamming the abandoned submission specialist for the win.

After the bell, The Big Red Monster reemerged, paving the way for the dysfunctional duo to knock The World’s Largest Athlete out of the squared circle.

When Show reached the top of the ramp, he turned his attention to Sheamus in the skybox and their upcoming Chairs Match at WWE TLC, making it clear that their third pay-per-view showdown will be the most devastating yet.

First, what the hell is a Chairs Match? There is no such bloody animal, WWE – you invented it so that guys like Show who’ve got no business being a Ladder Match, or a Tables Match, or God forbid, a Tables, Ladders and Chairs match have something they can do at the stupid bloody PPV you invented called TLC. Get over it.

Second, that scene with DBryan and Kane before the match had me giggling like a lunatic!

“Come to think of it, you and Big Show have so much in common. Why don’t you team up with him and you two can call yourselves Team NO SHOW!”

“Is this because I didn’t invite you to my house for Thanksgiving?”

[pause] “Maybe.”

“You wouldn’t have liked it. Vegan Turkey.”

“Ewww. Vegan turkey? What’s the point?”

“How about this? If we win our match tonight, you can come to my place for Christmas.”

“Can I beat up Santa Clause?”

[pause] “Deal!”

Cue me, rolling on the floor laughing!

Kane 23 November 2012 – Team Hell No vs. Big Show – Handicap Match: Photos

It still amuses me how DBryan continually pleads with Kane not to set off his ring pyros . . . and always covers his ears when Kane does!

Again with the tag match. DBryan looks a bit astonished there – but I bet he’s about to tag himself in.

Wish he had – then Show wouldn’t be beating the stuffing out of Kane!

Duelling chokeslams! But it’s better when it’s Kane and ‘Taker doing that!

I love that DDT!

And squeeee! Diving clothesline!!

Grabbing this one wholly and solely for that glimpse of Kane’s fantastic ass in the background. You’re welcome.

😉

He is so cute on the ring apron, yelling encouragement to DBryan . . . and occasionally calling him Goatface!

Hey, you know how I’ve been bitching lately we hardly get any digitals when Kane’s in a tag match? I think somebody heard me – this was a pretty Kane-heavy crop, considering the bigger story was mostly about Show and Sheamus.

WWE.com has video here – enjoy!

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19 November 2012: RAW digitals – Kane

From WWE.com:

WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No vs. Rey Mysterio & Sin Cara went to a no-contest

In all the tag team turmoil that has unfolded recently, the Nutter Center crowd was treated to a first on Monday night: Team Hell No vs. Rey Mysterio & Sin Cara. And while the champs’ brutal, irascible style certainly provided an interesting challenge for the masked men, it was The Prime Time Players who made the biggest impact from their perch at commentary.

Kane and Sin Cara started things off, and The Big Red Machine looked to have The International Sensation dead to rights early on, but Bryan would not be denied his glory moment in the contest. The “No!” man tagged himself in against Kane’s wishes and attempted to finish what Kane started, but Sin Cara quickly tagged in Mysterio to turn the tide. The Ultimate Underdog proved too much for Bryan or Kane to handle, nearly executing the 619 on The Devil’s Favorite Demon to end the match. Quick thinking on Kane’s part led him to duck out of the ring, but that did little to stem the chaos as Rey floored the champion with a seated senton. Bryan followed with a running knee that left Mysterio down, and Sin Cara completed the set with a suicide dive to the submission technician that left all four combatants strewn in a heap.

Sin Cara eventually got another crack at Kane, but The Mexican Icon’s fortunes didn’t improve much as he fell victim to the demon’s punishing offense. Team Hell No finally started to find its groove after a rough 24 hours, with Kane and Bryan trading offensive sequences against the beleaguered highflier. Bryan provided a highlight when he applied a wicked-looking surfboard-headlock combo to Sin Cara, while Kane provided the brawn to Bryan’s brains with power strikes. Sin Cara finally found his breathing room when he hit Bryan with a tornado DDT, leading both men to tag in their respective partners.

Kane and Mysterio traded furious blows from the second they entered the ring, but The Master of the 619’s agility proved to be the difference-maker when he hit Kane with the 619. Before he could Drop the Dime and seal the win, though, Kane snatched Mysterio out of the air by the throat. At this point, The Prime Time Players had seen enough.

Darren Young and Titus O’Neil stormed the ring and laid waste to everyone between the ropes, bringing the match to a no-contest and prompting an unlikely burst of teamwork from the tandems who had, until moments earlier, been opponents. Bryan set Mysterio up for double 619 on the interlopers, and Kane planted “The Big Deal” with a Chokeslam while Sin Cara took to the skies and dropped a senton on a prone “Mr. No Days Off.”

In conclusion: They’re still the Tag Team Champions, but the competition for Team Hell No’s titles has just intensified in a big way.

Kane 19 November 2012 – Rey Mysterio & Sin Cara vs. Team Hell No: Photos

Ahh, Kane with a title belt always gives me a happy!

And just like that, my happy disappears. Please note, when Kane is in the ring, please do not be blurring him out so we can focus on that little Mexican fucker Mysterio on the apron.

So first it’s looking like Kane’s back on his way to becoming Mysterio’s personal JOB squad again, and now these two idiots get to make a name for themselves by stomping him while he’s down.

Looking on the bright side – man does look good flat on his back. 😉

And hey presto, my happy is back! Chokeslam that little fucker, Kane – and that black John Cena-looking dude while you’re at it! 😉

I know, it’s Thangsgiving or thereabouts in the USA (we don’t celebrate it down under), so I am thankful that Kane’s current tag team championship is meaning he’s getting lots of TV time. But man, the digitals are slim pickings as a result!

Still, any Kane is good Kane, right? 😉

WWE.com has video here – enjoy!

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18 November 2012: PPV digitals – Kane

From WWE.com:

Team Ziggler (Dolph Ziggler, Alberto Del Rio, Wade Barrett, Damien Sandow & David Otunga) def. Team Foley (Randy Orton, WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No, The Miz & Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston) BY Anthony Benigno

As the T-shirt says, it’s not showing off if you back it up. And Dolph Ziggler found himself vindicated, validated and ensconced in WWE history when he fulfilled his own prophecy, and stood tall as the sole survivor of his Traditional Survivor Series Elimination Tag Team Match in Indianapolis.

Backing it up isn’t always the easiest thing to do, however, even if you’re Dolph Ziggler. It didn’t look like things were going to go so great for The Showoff at first, as internal discord threatened to tear his squad apart before the 26th annual Survivor Series even started (WATCH: SURVIVOR SERIES 2012 PRE-SHOW). His fortunes didn’t immediately improve after the opening bell, either. Trouble struck for Team Ziggler early on when last-minute addition David Otunga (replacing the injured Cody Rhodes) found himself subject to a multi-pronged onslaught from two of Team Foley’s aces, Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston and WWE Tag Team Champion Daniel Bryan.

A last-minute reversal by Otunga left Bryan down, though, and the Harvard Law grad summoned Damien Sandow from Ziggler’s ranks. The tag looked promising initially after Sandow floored Bryan with the Elbow of Disdain, but Bryan’s comeback left The Enlightened One so beaten down he actually attempted to leave the match. Kane was having none of it, though, retrieving Sandow mid-retreat and feeding “The Duke of Decency” to the submission technician. Kane tagged himself in to execute the Chokeslam that drew first blood for Team Foley.

Ziggler caught a break, though, after Team Foley nearly collapsed in on itself following Sandow’s elimination. Team Hell No quickly dissolved into their trademark bickering, with Kane going so far as to toss Bryan from the ring. The Showoff capitalized on The Big Red Monster’s preoccupation, hitting Kane with the Zig Zag to send the demon packing. The Miz and Randy Orton nearly came to blows as well, but The Hardcore Legend’s team eventually closed ranks when Kofi sent Ziggler tumbling through the air with a textbook monkey flip, boosting morale considerably for the mismatched fan favorites.

Bryan and Barrett tagged in next, and although the brawling Englishman softened the “No!” man up nicely, Otunga proved unable to capitalize. He was promptly wrenched into the “No!” Lock, submitting to Bryan’s patented hold and bringing the score to 2-1 in favor of Team Foley. Alberto Del Rio attempted to pick up the pieces, but was quickly tossed over the ropes by Bryan. The submission expert tagged in Kofi, but “The Wildcat” was sent to the showers when Del Rio called up Barrett. The Englishman made quick work of the Intercontinental Champion, felling Kofi with the 1-2 combo of the Winds of Change and the thunderous Bull Hammer elbow.

Next up was Randy Orton, who went toe-to-toe with his former Survivor Series counterpart (the two were team captains at last year’s fall classic). When Orton’s attempt to tag in The Miz was unceremoniously rebuked by The Awesome One, Bryan stepped in to resume the attack. A flurry of offense by the WWE Tag Team Champion was cut short when Barrett booted Bryan from the ring and tagged in Del Rio. Amazingly, The Mexican Aristocrat would escape the “No!” Lock and force Bryan to submit to the Cross Armbreaker, giving Team Ziggler the advantage for the first time in the contest.
Orton gave Del Rio a taste of his own medicine, stomping on The Mexican Aristocrat’s arm with great prejudice in an imitation of Del Rio’s own time-honored strategy. The master soon showed the crowd how it was done, going to town on Orton’s arm and summoning Ziggler to finish The Viper off. The Showoff proved unsuccessful, though, and was forced to call Barrett to finish what he started.

If only Orton hadn’t reached Miz first.

The Awesome One stormed into the contest and would not be denied, giving Team Foley some breathing room when he eliminated Barrett with the Skull-Crushing Finale, thereby evening the playing field once more. Miz’s heroics were short-lived, though, after Del Rio tipped the scales back in The Showoff’s favor by stunning Miz with an enzuigiri and planting The Awesome One on the mat for the three-count.

The Viper stood alone. And this, of course, is how Orton operates best.

Free of the teammates he never wanted much to do with, Orton laid waste to both Ziggler and Del Rio. Ricardo Rodriguez saved his boss’s skin, though, when he distracted The Viper on the apron (He later paid dearly when Foley applied Mr. Socko to the beleaguered announcer at ringside). The Showoff’s attempt at teamwork fell short as well when a dropkick he meant for Orton instead struck Del Rio. Orton sealed the deal by reversing the Cross Armbreaker into the RKO, sending Del Rio back to his (no doubt lavish) shower.

And then, there were two.

Orton was merciless in his unmanning of The Showoff, eluding the Zig Zag and felling Mr. Money in the Bank with a hanging DDT. Victory was an RKO away, but Orton had something more sinister on his mind: With Ziggler scrambling for his bearings, Orton retreated to the corner and set up for his patented punt to the head.

Ziggler, as it turned out, had a kick ready as well.

The Showoff sprang up and decked Orton with a bone-jarring superkick, putting Orton on his back and swarming the prone Viper to put the long, brutal contest to an end. Consider the series survived, and the show stolen.

Well fuck. First, I realised last week that I’d set up a date with my cousin for coffee and a little Christmas shopping on a PPV day. So I set it up to record while I was out. I have to say, that worked pretty much way better than being chained to the TV set for three hours.

I was able to fast-forward through the shit I didn’t want to watch, and just see the matches I thought were worth watching.

I caught the little backstage segment with Team Foley, which was kinda fun. Kane being convinced to do the hands in together and “Bang bang!’ on three was damn near priceless!

And then we got to the big match. And five minutes later, Kane was outta there.

Well fuck.

Waste of a perfectly good PPV, so I’m glad I had fun with my cousin this morning!

Kane 18 November 2012 – Team Foley vs. Team Ziggler – Traditional Survivor Series elimination tag team match: Photos

“Team Foley – Kofi Kingston, The Miz, Daniel Bryan, Kane and Randy Orton – is eager to get their hands on the members of Team Ziggler.”

Putting aside the overt homoeroticism of that stupid caption, Kane is not eager for any of that, for fuck’s sake. He’s over in the other corner of the ring, with his back to everyone!

Okay.

All may just be forgiven with this photo. You all know where I’m looking.

Thank you, Kane fangirl! You haven’t forsaken us!

“One half of the WWE Tag Team Champions, Kane, has his hands full with Damien Sandow, a member of Team Rhodes Scholars.”

-snickering-

Okay, so this was pretty funny – Sandow’s in the ring against Bryan and decides, fuck this, I’m out of here and bails from the ring. Kane chases him down and hauls him back by the hair before tossing him back in the ring!

Kane then tagged himself in, and he eliminated Sandow with a chokeslam. DBryan’s getting in Kane’s face, even to the double handed shove to the chest – apparently DBryan thought Kane should just have let Sandow go, instead of bringing him back. Cos then DBryan would have got the credit for the elimination.

Unfortunately, while Kane was wrangling with DBryan, Ziggler caught him from behind with the Zig-zag and it was all over for Kane.

Left me sitting there going, “What the fuck?” and wondering why I’d paid for this PPV after all.

Oh well.

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