From WWE.com:
The Undertaker addressed Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar
Paul Heyman talked a big game last week, but The Undertaker casts a bigger shadow than the mad scientist’s mouth could ever muster up. The Phenom, returning to Raw for the first time since accepting Brock Lesnar’s open challenge for WrestleMania 30, vowed to keep his storied Streak alive and make it two-for-two against Paul Heyman Guys at The Show of Shows.
Or he would have, had Heyman not interrupted The Last Outlaw before he even got going, begging The Undertaker to abandon his contest with Lesnar and ensure his Streak’s survival with The Anomaly. The Phenom wasn’t exactly shaking in his boots, demanding Heyman bring Lesnar a dark warning of what’s to come: “If he shows up in New Orleans, he will rest in peace.”
Say what?
Look, I’m the first to admit, Heyman’s great on the mic. And he needs to be, because Bork ain’t so great at it. But the last time I looked, the ‘Taker didn’t need any help with his ability to cut one mother of a great promo.
So how come, on one of the few appearances we know ‘Taker will be making on our TVs, do we get mostly Heyman and a bare couple of sentences from the Deadman?
Seriously, WWE – I’m not exactly thrilled about this match in the first place, and now you’re screwing up the build to it? Not cool, dudes. Not cool at all.
(And part of me wonders if this is just Triple H’s way of making sure no one else gets any ‘Mania spotlight but him – jesus, we’ve gotten bugger all for the main event even. Of course, Botchtista versus Randy Orton is a steaming pile of dog turds as far as main events go, but surely there should be something, right? Instead, it’s all been about Triple H keeping DBryan down, which was pointless until this week, when it turned into something awesome … and gave Triple H a way to insert himself into the main event. Didn’t think we’d spotted that, huh? Asshole.)
Undertaker 10 March 2014 – Paul Heyman interrupts the Undertaker: Photos
“Darkness befalls Memphis as WWE’s one and only Phenom, The Undertaker, arrives.”
I actually had the chance to see Raw live this week and man, yeah, that bell gonged and I got goosebumps!
Miss this guy something fierce!
The Ministry-style beard is hawt! 😉
“On April 6 at WrestleMania, The Deadman defends his undefeated Streak against Brock Lesnar.”
Okay, so there’s lots of schools of thought on this, from “There’s no way it will ever end” to “It’ll end when ‘Taker decides to hang up his boots”.
Personally, I can’t see ‘Taker retiring on a loss. Particularly not when the company’s invested so many years in creating the Streak. There have been rumours that ‘Taker wouldn’t be averse to having it ended, if it was a way to give some younger guy a big leg up in the company. But hey, rumours are like assholes – everybody has one.
However, that said – there’s no way the Streak is gonna end for a part-timer like Bork Lesnar. There’s no value proposition in that scenario. If it were the Bork Lesnar who was around in the early 2000s, when he made his debut, maybe I could see it. It would have given him enormous credibility. But now? Please, the guy won’t agree to more than a handful of dates in a year – where’s the gain in being able to bill him as the guy who killed the Streak if he’s only barely showing up?
It’s still going to be a brutal match though, and I’ll be on the edge of my seat the entire time. Praying ‘Taker doesn’t end up badly hurt at the end of it.
Now, here’s where I got a little excited – thought I was getting me some ‘Taker audio porn!
“Before the most intimidating force in WrestleMania history can speak … ”
i.e. Before I got my ‘Taker audio porn fix, damnit!
“… Lesnar’s advocate, Paul Heyman, interrupts. Addressing The Undertaker as “sir”, Heyman puts the historic Streak into perspective.”
Now, lemme just climb up on my soapbox here for a minute – ‘Taker was never a “Paul Heyman guy”. “Paul E. Dangerously” managed “Mean Mark Callous” and Danny Spivey in WCW, back before Ted Turner let Mean Mark go, saying he didn’t think anyone would pay money to watch him wrestle. (Boy, did he ever get that wrong!)
So anyone who is expecting any kind of reference to a past relationship between Heyman and ‘Taker is barking up the wrong tree. Two different characters, in a completely different company. Ergo, as far as WWE is concerned? It never happened.
We good now?
“The Undertaker is 21-0 at WrestleMania, while “Mr WrestleMania, Shawn Michaels never won two WrestleMania matches in a row. Triple H never got past three wins in a row and Hulk Hogan never passed four.”
This would be the reason why I believe the Streak will never be broken. You don’t make that kind of long term investment to piss it away at the end.
Also? How the fuck does Shawn Michaels end up with the moniker “Mr WrestleMania” with a pitiful record like that anyway? Don’t answer that – I know it rhymes with “being Triple H’s friend, and Triple H being married to the boss’s daughter”.
“Stone Cold Steve Austin topped out at four in a row, as did John Cena.”
See? So now give me a single cogent argument why the Streak will ever end – I can wait …
” “You’ve had 21 consecutive victories at 21 WrestleManias,” Heyman said. “That is when a man becomes a myth, when a myth becomes a legend and when a legend becomes a deity of biblical proportions.” ”
Okay, so maybe this is why they had Heyman out there – because if ‘Taker said all this stuff about himself … yeah, no. Not his style. But this is important in setting up the match between ‘Taker and Bork.
“Heyman asks The Undertaker to reconsider fighting at WrestleMania, “because your Streak will be conquered by Brock Lesnar!” ”
Because Bork’s new t-shirt says so. “Eat sleep conquer {something}” I don’t know, I don’t pay much attention to Bork – he’s an unattractive man who creeps me out.
So here’s where the idea of Bork becoming a credible threat is born – we all know it’s not going to happen, but just maybe, it might …
“The Undertaker’s response is short and sweet: “Brock Lesnar, if he shows up in New Orleans at WrestleMania 30, he will rest in peace!” ”
‘Taker’s actual words were:
“Since you seem to be Brock Lesnar’s messenger boy, I want you to take this back to him. The fear of death is far greater than the death itself. But the fear of the unknown is the greatest fear of all. And Mr Heyman, there’s one more thing – you tell your client, Brock Lesnar, if he shows up in New Orleans at WrestleMania 30, he will … Rest In Peace.”
And while I’m on the subject of what he says – please, the notion that the fear of death is worse than death itself is an age-old one. Goes back as far as a Roman writer, Publilius Syrus, more than 100 years before the so-called Birth of Christ (since we’re stuck with the Julian and Gregorian calendars).
Just because someone used it in a fic somewhere does not mean that that’s where the writers at WWE got hold of it. That is some pure grade-A bullshit, and an indication of a serious case of delusions of grandeur.
I’m just saying, is all.
And … scene! 😉
Could have done with more ‘Taker and less Heyman, but yanno, us beggars can’t be choosy.
WWE.com has the video here – man, I wish we’d gotten less Heyman and more ‘Taker!
‘Taker’s actual promo begins at 4:00, if you want to skip Heyman and a mute ‘Taker standing there just being sexy … 😉
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The Brothers of Destruction 