29 March 2013: SmackDown digitals – Kane

From WWE.com:

Daniel Bryan & Kaitlyn def. Dolph Ziggler & AJ Lee

With so much potential mayhem in one place at one time, it’s no wonder that the Mixed Tag Team Match pitting WWE Tag Team Champion Daniel Bryan & Divas Champion Kaitlyn against Dolph Ziggler & AJ Lee would produce so much mayhem from start to finish — especially with their partners Kane and Big E Langston looming at ringside.

In the height of the melee, Ziggler tagged in his girlfriend. While the rules dictated that both Divas step into the ring against each other at that point, Bryan continued to brawl with The Showoff outside the squared circle. Seeing this, AJ leaped onto her ex-fiancé, instigating even more bedlam between all parties involved. When the unpredictable Diva finally re-entered the ring, however, Kaitlyn was waiting to blast her with a monster spear for the pin.

Kane 29 March 2013 – Daniel Bryan & Kaitlyn vs. Dolph Ziggler & AJ Lee – Mixed Tag Team Match: Photos

Kane dispatching Big E – probably outrage over that damned onesie!

So, without being bothered to go look at the ‘Mania card – wanna bet that they end up with Kaitlyn as Team Hell No’s “manager” to counteract AJ?

I mean, don’t ge me wrong – out of the current crop of Divas (please, do not get me started on that Tough Enough “Melina vs Alicia Fox” loser Naomi), AJ and Kaitlyn are the least annoying. And can actually wrestle.

But Kaitlyn is Divas Champion – if she doesn’t have a title match, and just ends up being ringside as a last minute addition . . . well, I guess that says pretty much everything you need to know about how the WWE feels about female members of the roster.

And this is where my rampant paranoia about anything related to Kane or ‘Taker kicks in. Kane’s in the background there, bent over, and it seems like Mike Chioda is a little more concerned about whether Kane’s okay than declaring Kaitlyn and DBryan the winners.

I’m starting to wonder if Kane’s not working with an injury at this point.

WWE.com has video here.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Please read the terms of the licence before copying or sharing any part of this entry.

15 March 2013: SmackDown digitals – Kane

From WWE.com:

Dolph Ziggler def. Kane

Four days after Dolph Ziggler defeated WWE Tag Team Champion Daniel Bryan on Raw (and Big E Langston added insult to injury with a post-match assault), Bryan was at Kane’s side Friday on SmackDown. In the intense battle pitting The Showoff against the monster, Kane looked for some retribution for his tag team partner.

It was all Kane early on, but Mr. Money in the Bank turned things around, hitting a missile dropkick off the top rope. When Kane fought back, the explosive battle raged on. Then, in the final moments, when AJ Lee did her best to distract the monster, Bryan was there to lend a helping hand. Unfortunately for the submission specialist, he ran right into Big E and promptly needed some help himself.

Kane successfully fought off Langston, only to get back into the ring and right into the Zig Zag. In the midst of the chaos that followed at ringside, Ziggler to get the huge victory, thus defeating both tag champs in the same week.

But when The Showoff went to rub his victory in, Kane grabbed him, setting him up for a Chokeslam. Fortunately for Ziggler, Big E re-emerged to lay waste to The Big Red Monster, sending a very clear message that he intends to be a dominant force in WWE.

(Right. WWE’s completely lacklustre booking skills come into play once again. They had to have Cena vs. Rock II – because God knows, a “once in a lifetime” match has to be repeated, yanno? They’ve thrown Punk up against ‘Taker – and that still makes me want to vomit, after Monday night. They’ve got to have someone go up against the Shield, so there’s Sheamus, Orton and Ryback out of the picture. Plus of course, Triple H now has to beat Brock Lesnar. With Shawn Michaels coming out of retirement again to be in Triple H’s corner, if rumours are to be believed.

And then someone suddenly says, “Shit. What about Ziggler?”

You know, Ziggler. The guy with the Money in the Bank briefcase. The one that’s good til WrestleMania?

I know, it’s easy to forget. I mean, the guy’s only been going to the ring with the big bloody blue thing – or lately, AJ’s been carrying for him – for a whole bloody year.

But then, Creative’s been too busy working out how to construct a program around The Rock’s movie commitments, and three other part-time wrestlers, to notice someone who shows up every damn week.

So their apparent brainwave? Team Hell No vs. Ziggler and Big E. Langston. Hence DBryan’s match on Monday and this one on Friday.

So Ziggler’s got a guaranteed shot at a championship . . . and he uses it to grab the tag belts?

Man, he must have pissed in someone’s Wheaties from a great height to be treated like such shit.

So disgusted at WWE right now it’s not even funny. So probably no commentary, although Kane looked damn good during this match.)

Kane 15 March 2013 – Kane vs. Dolph Ziggler: Photos

Okay, one note of commentary – this vertical suplex was thing of goddamned beauty. From both Kane and Ziggler.

And this – one thing you gotta learn, Ziggler. Don’t lean down over a prone Monster unless you know he’s dead. And in this case? Not even then!

Because this will happen!

-sigh- Waste of great talent all round.

WWE.com has video here, but it’s only likely to be the end stages. Pity. The opening part of the match was all about Kane and it was damn fine.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Please read the terms of the licence before copying or sharing any part of this entry.

8 March 2013: SmackDown digitals – Kane

From WWE.com:

Team Hell No def. 3MB’s Heath Slater & Drew McIntyre

Attempting to regroup four days after being defeated by Brodus Clay & Tensai on Raw — when WWE Legend The Honky Tonk Man smashed Health Slater over the head with his guitar — 3MB set their sights on WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No.

Despite the frequent use of their most underhanded shenanigans, however, the air-guitar playing trio was destined to sing the blues. Team Hell No rebounded from a bit of confusion in the crucial final moments of the contest, as Daniel Bryan tagged himself in and made Slater tap out to the “No!” Lock — while Kane disposed of McIntyre.

Well this is . . . random.

Having pretty much abandoned the tag team division from its strength a few months ago, now it seems WWE is trying to build up some credibility again so they can have a title match at ‘Mania.

How the fuck 3MB end up in the mix is beyond me. What about the Usos, damnit? Hell, put Team Rhodes Scholars back together! Which I know they’re doing for Monday’s RAW, but then there’s gonna be a split again cos Cody is eyeing Kaitlyn. Which Damien either won’t approve of, or won’t get cos he’s gay . . . oh come on, the guy wears lavender tighties and pink knee pads! He’s gay! 😉

Anyway, WWE Creative (who definitely aren’t) are once again writing this shit on the fly . . . at least it means a double dose of Kane this week.

Oh, and seeing the splash graphic for Bill Moody – Paul Bearer – at the top of the show was all kinds of sad. I can’t really believe he’s gone. -sighs-

Kane 8 March 2013 – Team Hell No vs. 3MB: Photos

Red lights, Kane – does it get much better than this?

-gigglefits- So we’ve got DBryan one one side of the screen looking utterly goatface, and Kane’s beautiful hand and the little fuzzy hairs on his forearm on the other. Plus a hint of scruff – love me some scruff!

Yeah, let’s just keep left, shall we? 😉

That’s it Kane, give us some nice shoulderporn while you run that escapee-from-a-gay-porn-shoot off! 😉

Rockstar, my ass! Health Slater gives gingers a bad name! 😉

Heath goes high risk . . . and jumps right into a vicious uppercut. Man I loved that!!

-whimpers- Holy hell, shoulderporn plus back muscles!!

-snickering- Kane’s Pest Removal Services – comes with free shoulderporn!

WWE.com has video here – enjoy!

Oh, and even though it’s not Kane, I think you’ll enjoy this video of DBryan and AJ Lee backstage – DBryan is actually really damn good at the comedy stuff, he should stick with it, and stop being precious about wanting to be a “srs rassler”. Maybe he got the “memo” from last week? 😉

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Please read the terms of the licence before copying or sharing any part of this entry.

1 March 2013: SmackDown digitals – Kane

From WWE.com:

The Prime Time Players def. WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No in a Non-Title Match

On Raw, WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No triumphed over The Prime Time Players, despite the special circumstances of their specialty match in which Daniel Bryan was forced to wear a hood over his head and Kane had one arm tied behind his back.

Before their rematch on SmackDown, Bryan talked to General Manager Booker T, making it so his Big Red partner would have to wear the hood, while he had his arm tied behind his back. Kane’s response was that it was actually a good thing for two reasons: When he beat their opponents again, it would prove he was better than his fellow Tag Team Champion and, with the hood on, he wouldn’t have to see Bryan’s goat face.

A surprise came moments before the match, though, when Bryan put the hood on The Big Red Monster, revealing a goat face painted on it.

In the match that followed — moments after Bryan tagged himself in — a blinded Kane grabbed both the referee and his partner, trying to determine if either one was his opponent. While he soon figured it out and let both go, Bryan elected to push him when he turned around. This prompted Kane to shove Bryan to the canvas, setting up Titus O’Neil to pick up the quick pinfall.

After the match, Kane discovered the goat face on his hood and proceeded to place it on a hug-seeking Bryan before sending him back to the canvas for a second time.

If you haven’t seen it, hit up YouTube or Hulu and check out the backstage bit – bless Kane, he’s such a pro, and so damn good at the comedy stuff!

Kane 1 March 2013 – Team Hell No vs. The Prime Time Players: Photos

Disappointed at the lack of hummer angle, but Kane always looks luscious under the red lights!

-giggling- Okay, so Blind Freddy could see where this was going for an after the match explosion! And it was funny! But I’m guessing that no-one really wanted to see Kane in a full-on gimp mask cos, goddamn, backing up the porn two shows in a row would be . . . yeah, you all know where my mind is going! 😉

Laugh it up, DBryan – your time’ll come!

Damnit, from the side, that really does look like a gimp mask . . . HAWT!

Kane killed it, wrestling under the blindfold. They made DBryan look like a fool, and Kane like the ultimate sex symbol, the thinking monster!

P.S. DBryan does not make having one arm tied behind his back sexy. In any way, shape or form.

Glee! Kane using the crowd noise to determine which way to go! Clever! DBryan, on the apron there? Realising he’s being taught a lesson about keeping his mouth shut.

Don’t need to see to do a chokeslam, just need that big paw around someone’s throat!

Unfortunately, you do need to see in order to find that chokeslammed someone to get the pin . . . although Kane on his hands and knees searching was . . . HAWT! Again with the porn – thanks WWE! 😉

The inevitable bit where Kane grabs his partner and the referee. Kane looks far more menacing in this than DBryan looked attempting to put the No Lock on Charles Robertson on Monday night – you seeing the pattern here, DBryan?

Kane determining this is DBryan by getting a fistful of Goatface’s beard – brilliant!

DBryan screws up and The Prime Time Players get the win.

. . . and then Kane discovers he’s been wearing the goatface mask.

And seriously, for a guy wearing a mask that covers most of his face, that’s some pretty damn fine acting when you can’t actually see much of his facial expression!

I’m reminded of something I heard Edge say recently, about making the transition into acting with “Haven” (and look, if you haven’t checked that show out, do it – it’s pretty damned good! And Edge makes delightful eye-candy! Even got an ep where he’s got his shirt off! 😉 )

He said that he was very used to over-acting with his facial expressions, because he had to make them obvious even for fans in the nose-bleed seats, and the director had to get him to dial that back quite a lot.

You watch ‘Taker and Kane, though – there’s precious little over-acting with them. These are guys who can convey the slightest of nuances with subtle facial expression and body language.

The boys in the back should be watching and taking notes. I’m just sayin’, is all.

See? Compare the pair (to borrow a line from an Australian ad campaign) – Kane’s facial expression is subtle, what we can see of it. Hell, even the way he’s holding the mask in his fingertips conveys distaste.

DBryan, on the other hand, has gone for the cartoonish facial expression and the “hands up in terror” schtick.

Guess DBryan didn’t take enough notes. Which he should have, working with a guy as good as Kane.

And just to . . . underscore his displeasure, when DBryan wanted a hug? What he got was the goatface gimp mask and a savage uppercut.

Glee!

Oh, and shoulderporn.

Glee and shoulderporn – is there a better way to end a match? I think not! 😉

WWE.com has match video here – it’s showing as “unavailable” for me, but hopefully Steph will get her IT crew to extract the digit and fix that soon.

If not, and you’re in the US, there’s always YouTube or Hulu!

Final thoughts – okay, DBryan isn’t feeling the comedy stuff any more, but to hell with him – I’m actually loving it! And I think it’s doing a pretty good job of setting up Kane vs. DBryan for ‘Mania after they end up dropping the belts.

When that happens? When DBryan gets his chance to do “srs rassling”? Against Kane? On the grandest stage of them all? With Kane bringing his absolute A-game, as he always does?

DBryan’s gonna wish he’d kept his mouth shut and stuck with the comedy.

:-p

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Please read the terms of the licence before copying or sharing any part of this entry.

8 February 2013: SmackDown digitals – Kane

From WWE.com:

WWE Tag Team Champion Kane refused Daniel Bryan’s offer to escort him to his match with Big Show

Already in the Elimination Chamber Match in nine days, an enthusiastic Bryan talked of joining The Big Red Monster at ringside as the masked Superstar attempted to impress his way into the dreaded structure. But Kane made it clear that he preferred the sounds of silence to the submission specialist’s help.

-snickerfit- This was simply brilliant . . . even more because, oh baby, there was scruff! Scruff is HAWT!

Plus, there was fuzzy forearm hair – and we all know what I think about that! -fans self-

-snickering- But I swear, at one point, I thought Kane was about to bust out with some Doctor Evil! You know, “Scotty, don’t!” Or “Zip it!”

WWE.com has video here, bless them!

Also from WWE.com:

Big Show def. Kane. Del Rio made some changes to Big Show’s bus and to the giant

Prior to his match against Kane, The World’s Largest Athlete was seen admonishing his bus driver for various things. As he walked away, it was revealed that suspended World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio had been watching the whole thing.

With Booker T and Teddy Long looking on, The World’s Largest Athlete entered the ring, looking to play spoiler as The Big Red Monster attempted to impress his way in the World Heavyweight Championship No. 1 Contender’s Elimination Chamber Match at the upcoming pay-per-view.

Ultimately, the giant would triumph in the absolute battle of the titans that followed with the KO Punch. Big Show’s mood quickly shot back into pure exasperation, though, when Alberto Del Rio appeared on the TitanTron. The World Heavyweight Champion revealed that he had made friends with his No. 1 contender’s disgruntled bus driver, inviting Big Show to come see the exciting changes he had made to his bus.

When the enraged giant stomped his way back to the parking area, he discovered that all of the back tires on his bus were gone! Then, as he stood there trying to get a grasp on the situation, Del Rio dropped a bucket of orange paint all over The World’s Largest Athlete and his super-sized ride from above — leaving the giant fuming as he and Rodriguez drove off, grinning ear to ear.

Well fuck me. Not only is Kane being set up not to get a spot in the Elimination Chamber, now he’s just a fucking afterthought!

This write up is all about what Del Rio did to Show after the match . . . Creative, you bastards, you finally find something that works for Del Rio and prove that one good idea is all you can handle at any one time. -sigh-

Kane 8 February 2013 – Kane vs. Big Show: Photos

Ooh, to make up for the complete absence of #HummerAngle on screen, we at least get a photo of Kane’s entrance!

I know some people find two big guys in a match dull, but honestly? These two are always good together in the ring!

Besides, Kane always looks very svelte next to Show! 😉

Plus – hello shoulderporn!

No! No working over the knee, damnit!

. . . lemme re-think that.

-grins- Oh, okay, you can work it over a little bit . . . damn, what a camera angle, huh?

Oh hey, upside down-ish shoulderporn!

Oh man, I winced when this happened! That hadda hurt!

Especially when Show set up for the second one! Which Kane avoided. Go Kane! 😉

Duelling goozles! And freakin’ acres of shoulderporn . . . holy crap, that’s HAWT!

Oh shit.

We didn’t see this on-screen. There was a moment in the match when Kane landed odd and there was talk of how he might have tweaked his knee. This? Is either the real deal and he’s injured (fuck it to hell!) or they’re gonna write him off TV with a supposed “injury” to cover for the fact that they’ve got no fucking idea how to move forward.

They’ve painted themselves into a damn corner – I think the plan was to have Team Hell No drop the belts to Mysterio and Botch Cara. Except that they’ve now shoved Mysterio into the Chamber. How, I got no fucking idea – didn’t DBryan beat him?

And of course, DBryan is likewise in the Chamber. So, where the fuck does that leave the Tag Team Championship? Not being defended at the PPV, that’s where.

They could have Team Hell No drop the belts at RAW or SmackDown next week – if they do, it’s proof positive the WWE’s gone off tag teams. Again.

Man, it’s shaping up just great for ‘Mania though. If they’re writing Kane out with an injury, or fucking around with the Tag belts, he’s not likely to get a dance at ‘Mania. So much for Kane versus DBryan, which might have been an entertaining way to go. And with ‘Taker not back yet, I’d say it’s pretty much odds-on that he’s not making ‘Mania either.

Fuck. Well at least I’ll save money on PPVs.

WWE.com has match video here.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Please read the terms of the licence before copying or sharing any part of this entry.

1 February 2013: SmackDown digitals – Kane

From WWE.com:

Swagger returned; Booker T made a huge announcement regarding the future of the World Heavyweight Title and the Elimination Chamber

SAN DIEGO — Following Big Show’s vicious attack on Raw, World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio’s attempt at giant retribution ultimately backfired. Meanwhile, SmackDown’s elite looked to shock-and-awe in a series of explosive showdowns, hoping to earn their place in the World Heavyweight Title No. 1 Contender’s Elimination Chamber Match.

As SmackDown began, an agitated Alberto Del Rio was seen pacing in the parking lot, weapon in hand, presumable awaiting for the arrival of The World’s Largest Athlete and payback for the actions against him and Ricardo Rodriguez on Raw.

Inside, General Manager Booker T officially opened SmackDown, surrounded by select group of former World Heavyweight Champions. He declared that their status made them all possible entries in the upcoming No. 1 Contender’s Elimination Chamber Match — at the pay-per-view of the same name — to determine who would face Alberto Del Rio for the World Title at WrestleMania.

Returning after a long absence, Jack Swagger interrupted the head of the blue brand. Revealing that he had been living as a “real American” in his absence from WWE, Swagger said that he was disappointed with the direction WWE had been heading before insisting that — since he was also a former World Heavyweight Champion — he should also be considered for the Elimination Chamber.

In contrast, Dolph Ziggler stated that since he was already Mr. Money in the Bank, he would decline the invitation to be a candidate for one of the most brutal matches in WWE history. Nevertheless, Booker informed The Showoff that he would compete in a main event match against World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio.

The rest of the former World Heavyweight Champions would also be in action, with the goal of impressing both the GM and Senior Advisor Theodore Long. If they did, they might be put into the Elimination Chamber Match in 16 days with an opportunity to face Del Rio on The Grandest Stage of Them All on the line.

The first match would be WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No vs. Sin Cara (who had yet to become World Champion and would presumably not be considered) and San Diego’s own, the returning Rey Mysterio!

Kane 1 February 2013 – Booker T discusses the future of the World Heavyweight Title and the Elimination Chamber: Photos

“General Manager Booker T kicks off SmackDown by address a select group of former World Heavyweight Champions . . . The Great Khali, Randy Orton, Kane, Daniel Bryan, Sheamus and Dolph Ziggler.”

Kinda like when SmackDown kicks off with Kane! Saves all that tedious waiting around for the only reason I watch. 😉

“Booker T announces that all six Superstars are possible entrants in the upcoming No1. Contender’s Elimination CHamber Match to determine who will face Alberto Del Rio for the World Title at WrestleMania.”

Hmmmm.

Blah, blah, blah, Jack Swagger comes back, Ziggler says he ain’t playing, then Booker says everyone has to “impress” him tonight in their matches before he decides who’s in the Chamber. Right.

And Kane and DBryan get to go up against Rey-Rey and Botch Cara next . . . this is gonna get ugly.

From WWE.com:

Sin Cara & Rey Mysterio def. WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No in a Non-Title Match

In the height of the explosive contest between two great tag teams, Kane stopped a 619 attempt by Rey Mysterio in its tracks. But when he went for the Chokeslam, The Ultimate Underdog countered — using his incredible athletic prowess to send The Big Red Monster hurling out of the ring.

Bryan quickly gained control and attempted victory with the “No!” Lock! But Sin Cara broke it up at the last minute, before leaping off the top rope and onto Kane on the ringside floor.

Meanwhile, back in the ring, Mysterio regained his footing, blasting Daniel Bryan with the 619-Splash combination for the huge three-count. Will the win be enough to put Rey into the Elimination Chamber?

Kane 1 February 2013 – Team Hell No v.s Sin Cara & Rey Mysterio: Photos

-snickers- I know it’s a tag, but . . . seriously, thinking Kane could be about to hit DBryan with a “You complete me” there!

Was I the only one screaming at my TV screen, “Squash that little fucker, Kane!!”?

Oh. Okay.

Moving on!

Nice shot of shoulderporn as Kane exits the ring!

And that’s it?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Not happy!

Prediction now for the PPV – Team Hell No vs Rey-Rey and Botch Cara for the Tag Team Belts. Since Team Rhodes Scholars has been disbanded, it was obvious they were only intended as an interim time waster while Rey-Rey was off dealing with his “personal matters”. Which I’ll bet money was “Get yourself clean, goddamnit, because we can’t give you another ‘second chance’ since you’ve already had a few dozen of them.”

Pity, because Sandow and Rhodes had great chemistry as a team, and I could happily have seen them taking the belts from Kane and DBryan and leading to the inevitable “split and tag team turning on itself” storyline that’s coming, and was foreshadowed at the Rumble.

Perhaps that’s the match Kane will get at ‘Mania – against DBryan. Because I’ll lead the revolt if they’re booked to drop the belts at ‘Mania.

-muttering-

WWE.com has video here – knock yourselves out.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Please read the terms of the licence before copying or sharing any part of this entry.

25 January 2013: SmackDown digitals – Kane

Before I even get to these, I have to do another excited squee concerning what JBL announced at the top of SmackDown – even though Team Hell No have a match at the PPV, they are also going to be in the Royal Rumble match!!!!!

YES!! Kane gets the chance to make it fourteen Rumbles, thirteen of which were consecutive! And he’s within four eliminations of knocking off Shawn Michaels’ record of most men eliminated overall – four!! Considering Shawn’s not wrestling any more, I’d say that record might be looking a little shaky!!

But now, back to the digitals!

From WWE.com:

Huge Six-Man Elimination Tag Team Main Event Announced

SACRAMENTO, Calif. — With Royal Rumble two days away, The Rock and WWE Champion CM Punk both stepped back into the SmackDown spotlight, while World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio suffered the wrath of The World’s Largest Athlete.

After WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No’s graduation from Dr. Shelby’s Anger Management course led to a worldwide hug-off on Raw, Bryan and Kane emerged to address speculation that they’d gone soft. Unified in their resolve to dominate Team Rhodes Scholars in their title match at Sunday’s pay-per-view, the champs began to argue over which one of them would go on to win the Royal Rumble Match and go on to main event WrestleMania.

Big Show interrupted, insisting he would “squish” World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio in their Last Man Standing Rematch at Royal Rumble. He then said that if either of the WWE Tag Team Champions were successful in the free-for-all and challenged him, the only plans they would be able to make would be for retirement.

Just as Big Show was attempting to kick Bryan & Kane out of “his” ring, Team Rhodes Scholars emerged. Believing that their winning the WWE Tag Team Titles at Royal Rumble was a foregone conclusion, the outspoken duo suggested they join forces with Big Show to decimate Team Hell No post haste.

Del Rio emerged to even the odds. But before all “Hell” broke loose, SmackDown General Manager Booker T created the main event showdown: Big Show & Team Rhodes Scholars vs. Team Hell No & Alberto Del Rio in a Six-Man Elimination Tag Team Match!

Moments later, Big Show tried to get the jump on Del Rio, leading to more mind games between the World Heavyweight Champion and his giant No. 1 contender.

Kane 25 January 2013 – Huge six-Man Elimination Tag Team main event announced: Photos

“Just days after graduating from the Dr. Shelby Academy of Anger Management Monday onRaw, WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No address the rumours that they’ve somehow ‘gone soft’.”

-snickering- I can’t believe they just said that! For the record . . . no, I’m not even gonna go there – but I’m sure you all know where “there” is! 😉

Kane’s promo on the Rumble reminded me of that segment backstage with Shawn Michaels, leading up to Shawn’s eventual second crack at breaking ‘Taker’s Streak at ‘Mania. It’s so damn rare we get to hear Kane talk about his achievements! Not boasting, just plain old stating the facts.

Yes, he has been in 13 Royal Rumbles – and they were consecutive! That is indeed a record. He has also eliminated the most men ever in a single Rumble.

At this point, I was still one with a massive squee-fit about the fact that he was going to be in this year’s Rumble!

No, DBryan, you pointing out that Kane has never actually won the Rumble was not needed! 😉

“Kane proclaims that he will win the Royal Rumble Match . . . ”

Oh sweet Jesus, that would be awesome! And then, instead of taking a title shot for the main event at ‘Mania, he declares he wants to take on the Streak!! -squee-bounce!-

(Which coincidentally would make him the only guy ever to face ‘Taker three times at WrestleMania!! Neener, neener!)

Hey, a fangirl can dream, can’t she? 😉

” . . . to which Daniel Bryan has some reservation, as he claims HE will win the over-the-top-rope melee.”

Fat chance, goatface!

-snickering-

Cue Big Show!

“Big Show interrupts Team Hell No, saying World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio “stole” his World Title, and that he will “squish” the new champion at Royal Rumble.”

Which has precisely fuckin’ nothing to do with the actual Rumble match, but whatevs – no one in Creative could come up with a better scenario to lead up to the traditional “Let’s put the major stars into some bullshit tag match as their last go round before the PPV so they don’t God forbid end up injured and fucking with our PPV booking”!

I did get a giggle out of Show calling Kane “big man” – dude, everyone can call him “big man”. You should be calling him “little man” – since you do actually almost dwarf him!

But then to even up the numbers a bit, here come Team Rhodes Scholars!

“With their WWE Tag Team Title Match looming against Kane & Daniel Bryan at Royal Rumble, Team Rhodes Scholars come to SmackDown with a warning for the champions.”

See, they had a actual reason to be there in Team Hell No’s faces. Not a particularly smart move, anger management graduations notwithstanding! But if they’d come out first, then obviously, two on two, how do you get the other two guys in the match?

“Damien Sandow & Cody Rhodes propose an alliance with Big Show in an effort to decimate Team Hell No.”

Now see, this had me scratching my head. Cos I was still thinking all this talk was about the actual Rumble match – and Show’s not gonna be in that puppy. See, might have made a better six man tag if they’d tossed in someone who was gonna be in the Rumble. Then Damien and Cody could have made a deal with them – help us soften them up tonight, and in two night’s we’ll help you get them out of the Rumble match.

Except, then what would Show and Del Rio have to do on SmackDown? Exchange barbed insults on the mic? Nah, The Rock and Punk are doing that.

. . .

Fuck me, I think I was just channelling a meeting of the Creative Team! Ewwwwwww!

😉

“But World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio evens the odd!”

Even Blind Freddy could see that one coming!

“SmackDown General Manager Booker T makes it official – the main event will be Team Hell No & Alberto Del Rio vs Team Rhodes Scholars & Big Show in a Six-Man Elimination Tag Team Match!”

Yay! 😉

No video on WWE.com, but hit it up on Hulu or YouTube, if only for Kane’s promo at the top of the show!

Again from WWE.com:

World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio & WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No triumphed in a Six-Man Elimination Tag Team Match; Big Show launched huge post-match assault

In the SmackDown main event, six of WWE’s elite Superstars battled in an Elimination Tag Team Match with incredible Royal Rumble implications. But in this prelude to the turbulent pay-per-view, who would eliminate whom and which warrior would be left standing?

Damien Sandow was the first to go, after suffering a Chokeslam courtesy of The Big Red Monster. But when Kane tried to take both himself and Big Show over the top rope, The World’s Largest Athlete caught him with the KO Punch and left the tag champ to be counted-out — while Show taunted Alberto Del Rio by counting to 10 inside the ring.

As the battle raged on, Big Show hit the KO Punch yet again, this time on Daniel Bryan. The giant knocked him through the ropes and the submission specialist was taken out of the action.

Facing two-on-one odds, Del Rio showed the true nature of his mettle, eventually trapping his giant No. 1 contender on the ropes. He then delivered a series of kicks that knocked Big Show clear out of the ring, causing him to get counted-out. His momentum on fire, Del Rio continued his offensive — overcoming Rhodes in an explosive kick to the side of the head.

As the Mexican World Champion celebrated in the ring, however, a recovered Big Show launched a post-match attack from behind. Driving his body through Del Rio with a thunderous spear, the immense competitor then hit the titleholder with the KO Punch and he flipped the announce table on top of him in an act of retribution. Towering over the World Heavyweight Champion, Big Show made the symbolic 10-count in Spanish as the countdown begins to Royal Rumble.

Kane 25 January 2013 – Six-Man Elimination Tag Team Match: Photos

“World Heavyweight Chmpion Alberto Del Rio & WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No take on Team Rhodes Scholars & Big Show in a Six-Man Elimination Tag Team Match on the blue brand.”

You mean on the red-headed stepchild show? 😉

And disappointed! Team Hell No made their entrances during the commercial break – guess there’s a one #HummerAngle limit on TV! But we’ll get two of them at the PPV! 😉

Kane kicked things off for the face team, and no, no. no! We’ll have no kicks to the knees, thank you!

On the plus side, sweet shot of Kane’s gorgeous ass! Man is looking damn fine!

“The Big Red Monster nails Damien Sandow with a Chokeslam, and the erudite Superstar is eliminated.”

YES!

“Kane locks up with Big Show in the corner.

NO!

“The action spills to the outside as Kane knocks Big Show out of the ring.”

-wince!-

“After battling Big Show on the outside, Kane fails to get back into the ring and is counted out.”

After he got hit with the Weapon of Mass Destruction, thankyouverymuch.

But I was indeed clairvoyant, because the minute Kane eliminated Sandow, I thought to myself, “Right, Kane’ll be next to go. Cos that’s the lazy, bullshit way to book this.”

Bingo!

-shakes head- You know, one day, they’ll come up with something innovative and I’ll probably have a heart attack!

On the plus side, usual way of things is that a loss going into the PPV means a win at the PPV. So maybe things are looking pretty good for Team Hell No.

Of course, this will be the one time Creative does come up with something other than buillshit lazy booking . . .

WWE.com has video here, of which only the first 28 seconds or so are relevant to our interests! (Including a wonderful moment at 0:25 with Kane flat on his back and the perfect “money shot”!!)

The rest is basically all Big Show’s attack on Del Rio. So either Del Rio’s walking out still the champ on Sunday night, or there’s some bullshit’s gonna happen that the match doesn’t go ahead. Or Del Rio’s now gonna be booked as the latino Super-Cena, who can out-last the angry giant in a Last Man Standing Match even after suffering “grievous injuries” on Friday night!

-facepalm-

Hey, focus on the positive – Kane’s in the Rumble Match!

Now, to just pray I don’t get blown away by a tornado before Sunday night . . .

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Please read the terms of the licence before copying or sharing any part of this entry.

18 January 2013: SmackDown digitals – Kane

From WWE.com:

Randy Orton & WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No def. Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett & Team Rhodes Scholars in a Six-Man Tag Match

Two days after Randy Orton was attacked by The Shield during his match against U.S. Champion Antonio Cesaro on WWE Main Event, The Viper joined forces with Team Hell No to take on Wade Barrett & Team Rhodes Scholars on SmackDown.

With their WWE Tag Team Title Match at Royal Rumble looming, there was certainly bad blood between Team Hell No and Team Rhodes Scholars, made worse by Damien Sandow & Cody Rhodes making an unwelcome appearance Monday night during the champions’ therapy session with Dr. Shelby.

Chaotic action was par for the course in the six-man tag bout from the start. And when Rhodes hit Cross Rhodes on WWE’s Apex Predator, the end seemed near. But after Kane was able to break-up the three-count, Orton rallied. The Viper coiled, unleashing a ring-shaking RKO to Sandow to send Orton & Team Hell No on to a huge victory.

After their win, Orton found himself in the middle of a (not-so-voluntary) group hug with Kane & Daniel Bryan — all part of Team Hell No’s road to recovery.

-snickerfit- And of course there was the pre-match bit backstage, where Kane and DBryan did some more “working through their anger issues” . . . or as Randy Orton put it, “acted like two year olds”. And given the choice between acting like two years olds and inflicting some serious pain, Kane declared he wanted “Both!”

If you’re viewing online, seriously, find someone who’s uploaded the whole ep so you get to see the pre- and post-match hilarity!

Kane 18 January 2013 – Randy Orton & Team Hell No vs. Wade Barrett & Team Rhodes Scholars: Photos

Working like a well-oiled machine to kick things off!

Okay, not so much of a fan of Wade Barrett whaling the hell out of Kane!

Didn’t take long for Kane to roar back into action, knocking both Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes off the apron before giving Wade a big boot in the guts!

Then it was Sandow’s turn to whale on Kane . . . grrrrr

Then Cody had to get in on the action . . . double grrrrr!

What we don’t get to see was Cody trying to horn in with a leap off the top rope . . . and Kane catching him with a beautiful uppercut as he landed! As JBL on commentary said, “That’ll knock the moustache clean off his face!”

Then, as per the cookie cutter recipe for a six man tag, there was interference all over the place, including Kane turfing Cody over the top rope.

And providing some absolutely spectacular shoulderporn as he does!

He unfortunately ended up going over the top rope himself moments later, at the hands of Sandow. Who, for his efforts, got an RKO and a pin for Randy to pick up the win!

And then, things got truly crack-filled!

As DBryan had promised before the match, first they’d beat Team Rhodes Scholars and Wade Barrett, and then there’d be a group hug! To which Randy responded, “I’m not really the hugging kind.”

DBryan just grinned and said, “Not yet!”

So after the match, DBryan’s there, offering Randy a hug, and he’s shaking his head, and saying to DBryan, “No, no hug.”

And then Randy turned around, and came face to face with the Big Red Monster . . .

. . . who wasn’t about to take “No thanks” for an answer!

-mad snickering- So Kane swamps Randy in a big hug, and then DBryan’s there from the other side, hugging the stuffing out of him. And Randy’s . . . yeah. Not a hugger!

-giggling- Okay, is it just me, or does DBryan look like he’s enjoying this a little bit too much? 😉

WWE.com has video here, picking up the latter stages of the match and then, yes, from around 1:40, it’s all about that group hug!

Check out 1:50 or so for the attack of the Big Red Hug Monster!!

And seriously, the look on Randy’s face is priceless!

The video does cut out before the end of the fun though, including Randy climbing to the second turnbuckle, and instead of throwing his arms wide? There’s a bemused smile and a big shrug! I also suspect that he was trying very very hard not to laugh afterwards!

And Kane gives this rather exhuberant fist pump that has to be seen to be believed – bless him, he’s having so much fun!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Please read the terms of the licence before copying or sharing any part of this entry.

11 January 2013: SmackDown digitals – Kane

From WWE.com:

Tag Team Champions Team Hell No def. The Prime Time Players

With a four-month reevaluation by Dr. Shelby looming on Raw this Monday, the WWE Tag Team Champions displayed tremendous teamwork Friday night in a win over The Prime Time Players.

While Titus O’Neil targeted Daniel Bryan’s weakened knee in the early going, Kane was able to turn the tide of the battle. After Bryan nailed Titus & Darren Young with a double knee drop from the top rope, Kane delivered a monstrous Chokeslam to put “Mr. No Days Off” down for the three-count.

Kane 11 January 2013 – Team Hell No vs. The Prime Time Players: Photos

Never gonna get tired of seeing Kane with a title belt!!

You know, I think Dr Shelby’s going to be pleased at the progress Kane and DBryan have made – I mean, look at Kane there! All concern for his wounded tag team partner! (Not to mention just a walking wall of muscles . . . )

Attaboy, Kane – get that black-John-Cena type back in the ring and hand him an ass whuppin’!

So, this was pretty damned cool – The Prime Time Players were about to double-team Kane, and instead, Kane dives for the corner as DBryan leaps from the top turnbuckle to hit them both and bring them down!

Um yes, this digital is here for the leg and boot in the corner there! 😉

But hello and what the fuck? This was the end of the match! Kane did a helluva lot more than these digitals imply!

See? Like this! Black-John-Cena is the legal man, but that other big dude was giving lip on the apron, so Kane and his acres of shoulderporn took care of business!

Okay, quality control FAIL yet again! But how nice is the shoulderporn in this pin? -drools-

See? How does the chokeslam come after the pin? But sweet zombie Jesus, Kane is looking especially luscious there!!

Holy Mary Mother of God, that is some damned fine shoulderporn! And to think, 3 photos back I was about to start bitching about being short-changed in the digital department again!!

Yay for triumphant ring post pyros!! (And giggling at DBryan in the background with his hands over his ears!)

And yep, pardon me while I drown in drool over here – lookit that body! And man, how much am I loving that the unofficial ban on body hair is gone – call me crazy, but seeing that underarm hair is HAWT!

-giggling madly- Well at least this time the camera angle on this shot doesn’t make it look like Kane overdosed on bean burritos in catering beforehand!

Much . . .  -facepalm-

Aww, DBryan and the referee and their reactions – you know what’s on my bucket list? Someday seeing a TV taping or – better still! – a Pay Per View live in the audience, so I can judge for myself just how awesome those pyros are!!

But, not that I’ve been comparison shopping or nothing, but 14 digitals? Yeah, I know it was a pretty short match (wondering if DBryan really is hurt, although he seemed pretty good in the ring) but still, this seems to be a trend.

Maybe they’re just really half-assing the website the way they’re half-assing the programming?

WWE.com has video here – enjoy!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Please read the terms of the licence before copying or sharing any part of this entry.

28 December 2012: SmackDown digitals – Kane

From WWE.com:

Santino Marella selected at random to face Big Show in a World Heavyweight Title Match

ROCHESTER, N.Y.— Big Show overcame Sheamus in a fierce Chairs Match at WWE TLC, but on the Christmas Eve episode of Raw, Sheamus beat Big Show in the first-ever Lumber-Jack Frost Match, leaving a question as to whether the Irish Superstar had earned another opportunity at the gigantic titleholder.

Sheamus opened SmackDown in the wake of his victory, still savoring the joyful spirit of the holiday season and the festive beating he gave The World’s Largest Athlete four days earlier. Sharing his New Year’s resolution that he would win back the World Title, The Celtic Warrior proposed they have their championship match right there in Rochester! The emerging Big Show made light of Sheamus’ win, refusing the challenge by giving his opinion that the Irish Superstar would always come up short when it counted.

SmackDown General Manager Booker T interrupted. And following The World’s Largest Athlete’s bold statement that no Superstar in the locker room was worthy of facing him for the Word Title, the head of the blue brand declared that every one of their names would be entered into a lottery to determine Big Show’s opponent in a World Heavyweight Title Match on SmackDown!

In the midst of a power struggle between Theodore Long and Eve to see who would draw the name of Big Show’s No. 1 contender, the lottery tumbler suddenly toppled onto the floor. A frustrated Booker took control of the situation and picked Santino Marella as the Superstar who would face the giant challenge.

Kane 28 December 2012 – Santino Marella picked at random to challenge Big Show for the World Heavyweight Title: Photos

“(Booker T) sets up a lottery in which every Superstar is eligible to face Big Show in a World Heavyweight Title Match on SmackDown!”

Ooh! Wouldn’t Kane getting the World Heavyweight Championship again have been a nice belated Christmas present? (-snickering- I love how they’re now calling it the World Heavyweight Championship again now Big Show’s holding it? Some small guy gets it again and it’ll go back just to being the World Championship, mark my words!)

“Theodore Long and Eve argue over who will pick the name, eventually causing the tumbler to go flying.”

-yawn- Bored with this stupid Eve versus Teddy storyline already. But it’s gonna drag on for fucken-ever before she gets her comeuppance because that’s how the writers think. I reckon they’ve got a bit of a submissive fetish for mean girls, personally – they get off imagining Eve being mean to them, the perverts! 😉

Seriously, Eve needs to just . . . get off my screen. Sick of her.

And then Booker just randomly names Santino. Okay. Whatevs.

😉

WWE.com has video here.

From WWE.com:

Wade Barrett & Team Rhodes Scholars def. Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston & WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No

At the height of a very personal Six-Man Tag Team clash, Wade Barrett took advantage of a complete breakdown of order to hit Kofi Kingston with the Bull Hammer elbow and score a major pinfall on the reigning Intercontinental Champion.

Will his triumph make him the No. 1 contender to the Intercontinental Title?

Wow. Great story, guys on WWE.com. Talk about phoning in a performance! This was taped two weeks ago and this is the best you could come up with before you all fled on your vacation days? -facepalm-

Kane 28 December 2012 – Kofi Kingston & Team Hell No vs. Wade Barrett & Team Rhodes Scholars: Photos

Haven’t we already seen this match?

If I say that Team Rhodes Scholars need to stop double-teaming Kane, it’s gonna come out all kinds of wrong!

How about, the two of them need to quit hammering Kane? No, that’s no better!

Right. Team Rhodes Scholars need to fuck off out of it and leave Kane alone! Perfect! 😉

But that’s it for digitals. No, seriously. Underwhelming, right?

WWE.com has video here, but given the dearth of digitals, I can’t even be sure Kane’s even in it.

Again, from WWE.com:

World Heavyweight Champion Big Show def. Alberto Del Rio by Disqualification in a World Heavyweight Title Match

Prior to the SmackDown main event, a completely irritated Big Show complained about having to defend his title under such ridiculous circumstances. That didn’t stop The World’s Largest Athlete from bringing the excruciating fight to his impromptu No. 1 contender after the opening bell in a rare World Heavyweight Title Match on the blue brand.

When Del Rio gained the momentum and looked to be loosening up the giant for the Cross Armbreaker, though, Big Show decided to take a walk. As he walked up the ramp, Sheamus emerged to attack the retreating champion. While he was able to knock down The Celtic Warrior and pick up the win by disqualification, Show’s escape was still blocked by the sudden materialization of a slew of Superstars — the very group he had made light of earlier as a bunch of “losers” and “rejects.”

The massive opposition launched Big Show back into the ring. And after Del Rio stunned Big Show with a kick, Sheamus hit the Brogue Kick on the World Heavyweight Champion, cutting the towering grappler down to the size.

Kane 28 December 2012 – Alberto Del Rio vs. Big Show: Photos

“When Big Show decides to bail, Sheamus and a slew of WWE Superstars block his path.”

Attaboy, Kane, get in his face! 😉

“They attack Big Show . . . ”

That’s not an attack! 😉

” . . . sending the giant back into the ring.”

Exactly!

“After Del Rio blasted him with a kick . . . ”

Another guy with a beautiful enzuiguri!

Amused by Kane head and shoulders above everyone at ringside!

” . . . Sheamus finished the World Heavyweight Champion with the Brogue Kick.”

Kane looks almost disappointed there!

WWE.com has video here – enjoy!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Please read the terms of the licence before copying or sharing any part of this entry.