4 November 2013: RAW preview – Kane

From WWE.com:

3. The Authority’s newest weapon

Last week, Kane removed his mask and pledged allegiance to Stephanie McMahon. With The Shield already at The Authority’s disposal, adding The Big Red Monster may add insurmountable might to whatever task they may be called upon to do.

Right. So they’re actually advertising on the WWE website that Kane is now part of the Authority. Which means they aren’t abandoning this idea just yet. But given how the show’s are often re-written on the fly in the hours before air, don’t bet on anything much just yet.

I suspect this idea might well end up lured down a culdesac and quietly strangled when something newer and shinier comes along.

Because I am still not sure how Kane being the lackey of those in authority in any way shape or form promotes the See No Evil 2 movie, and that’s the only reason he unmasked last week – because they want him recognisable as Jacob Goodnight when it comes time to plug the movie.

But hey, WWE – go ahead and prove me wrong. I dare ya! 😉

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WWE feature: Unseen Kane

Okay, so colour me happy to have Kane back on my TV screen.

Colour me fucking ecstatic to find this new feature on WWE.com – seriously, you have GOT to see these!

Unseen Kane: Photos

Oh man …. the beard. Loved the beard! Intriguing shot!

So, now he’s wearing the mask and yeah, damn that thing must have been hard to breathe under! But oh my fucking god, the beard, the hair … that was some sexy shit!

Also, and it’s so rare to get such great close ups, his eyes are such a pretty green!

Giving my most heartfelt thanks for two things – the red tights, and up lighting. Damn, that’s hot!

😉

Nope, changed my mind – side lighting is the best!

Yeah, yeah, you all know why I’m saying that!

-fans self- It’s getting hot in here!

I don’t know quite what it is about Kane being all but fully clothed making that one bare arm look so utterly pornographically naked, but damn, I like it!

It still breaks my heart the tiniest bit to see pictures of the late great Paul Bearer. What a great guy – an amazing performer, but a seriously nice man as well.

Still loving those red tights though! 😉

Okay, so if you’re forever having that argument with people about how wrestling is “fake”? These would be the photos that prove that while the outcome of the “competition” may be fake, in that it’s pre-determined, the action is most definitely not fake.

And yep, in black and white cos WWE is PG now and blood isn’t PG.

Oh holy crap …

Now, here’s where I call bullshit on all these photos being “unseen” … and if blood makes you squeamish, you might want to flick past this next one.

Because I found this photo on a web trawl back in 2009 … in living, breathing technicolour. (And I saved it for research purposes for a fic, honestly!)

And I say again – holy CRAP!

I cannot say this enough. I. Love. Those. Red. Tights.

I think this might have been the night Kane lost his first WWE championship back to Stone Cold … after holding it for one night. Which was some bullshit.

Timeframe seems right, anyway. And yeah, that’s looking a lot like a move he stole from his brother The Undertaker, amirite? 😉

Still loving that one naked arm too!

Two words for ya – red tights.

That is all.

😉

Another one of those “Unseen? I don’t think so!” photos – but I’m not complaining. Because damn, looking up at that sexy monster from that angle is worth showing again!

Okay, so you all know I love the red tights, but coming a very close second is this costuming, with the see-through panels. Holy fuckin’ hells, now that is hot! Particularly liked how, as time went on, there was more see-through and less spandex … 😀

But who was the sadist who decided that it would be great doing a photoshoot with Kane wearing pretty close to next to nothing outside in the freakin’ snow?

Looks great, don’t get me wrong, but man it must have been chilly!

God, these upshots are hella sexy! #HummerAngle time! 😉

Also, have the distinct urge to sing Rocky Horror tunes … “I’m a muscle fan!”

And we’re back in the snow! With see-through panels. Good times!

You know, this one might well be my favourite of all of these photos. Sure, we’ve seen the official photoshoot pictures of Kane and Mankind as Tag Team Champions, but this one, with Paul Bearer goofing around with the two of them? With his arms around them?

Man, this is such a keeper!

Another of those “Nope, seen this one before” photos, but I still like it anyway.

Whoa, neat bronze bust of Kane – where do I get me one of those?

Now, don’t know who’s head Kane is kicking off there, because he’s just a blur, but that costuming is over 10 years old (going from the fact that Kane still has his long hair and he unmasked for the first time in 2003).

And as you saw in the digitals just posted from Raw this last week, he’s still that flexible. Hell, maybe even more so!

From what I hear, we have DDP Yoga to thank for at least part of that – apparently, Kane spent his time off in 2011 rehabbing a chronic knee injury before it got worse, and DDP Yoga was part of the rehab.

If ever there was a ringing endorsement for DDP’s program, that would be it!

Whoa! There’s a new look – Kane borrowing from The Undertaker’s leather collection!

Damn, that really is a good look!

Hey, waitasecond – those are tattoos, aren’t they? Did Kane impersonate ‘Taker at some point, right down to having fake tattoos added? Cos that is definitely Kane’s hair …

Red tights. Superb ass. Pornographically naked arm.

What’s not to love?

😉

See?

You see what I mean about the see-through spreading? Holy freakin’ hells, yeah, that’s some sexy stuff!

Plus in that outfit, the nipple peeks were all kinds of awesome! 😉

Another of those sets of “It’s only the outcome that’s fake, the action is real” photos.

Not even sure when this happened, expect obviously it’s post-2003. And be thankful these ones are black and white, because it’s pretty damned obvious Kane is liberally blood-smeared at this point. Even allowing for the fact that scalp wounds bleed like nothing else.

He also looks a bit unfocused and out of it – not good.

And freak me the fuck out, pretty obvious they’re not using local anaesthetic for this stitch job – when a guy like Kane is gritting his teeth, squeezing his eyes shit and clenching that massive fist, it’s got to be because it hurts like a motherfucker!

Not using local anaesthetic is probably because of the possible concussion, but hey, on the bright side? He’s probably very focused now!

-WINCE!-

Sonofabitch!

Don’t know what’s happening here – it’s tough sometimes to tell what’s kayfabe and what’s the real deal. But med tech wearing rubber gloves in the background? Yeah, that’s not good.

Having said that, and not even sure if this is from the same incident … is that a straitjacket Kane is wearing? Cos that’s gotta be kayfabe!

Is Kane about to stuff Paul Bearer down a manhole? -puzzled-

This is why it’s so hard to explain wrestling to non-fans sometimes! 😉

Kane with the Intercontinental Championship. He’s the third Grand Slam winner in WWE history. The only title he hasn’t held is the US Championship, which was unified with the Intercontinental Championship in 2002. He has, however, also held the ECW Championship, which I think more than makes up for it!

Also? See-through panels! 😉

The half-mask! Loved the half-mask! Loved the slightly more affable, chatty Kane (aware that might well be a minority view).

Good times! “Chicks dig the mask.” 😉

Aaand we’re back to the red tights! Which also feature some see-through panels at points.

Goddamn that man is sexy!

Yep. Sex on a stick, right there!

-drools-

Of course, bald and half-naked was pretty damn fine too – aren’t many men who can rock that the way Kane did!

And who didn’t love seeing all that beautiful, beautiful skin – honestly, I know women who’d kill to have skin half as nice as his!

Man, has the internet lost its shit over the past few years about Kane’s odd-couple pairing with DBryan. Some days, I swear if I see one more “Bring back Kane from the 90s when he was a total bad-ass” comment on anything, I’ll be the one totally losing my shit!

The fact is, Kane’s been teamed with odd partners since the early days, back with X-Pac. And he’s made every single one of those partnerships work, because he is fucking brilliant at telling a story, even a silly one like anger management therapy.

But his best partnership, right after the one with The Undertaker, which is just legendary, and which is of course the very reason for this blog, was with Paul Bearer. Rest in peace, Paul – we miss you.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I need some alone time with this picture!

HolyMaryMotherOFGod … yeah, that’s our Big Red Sex God alright!

Thanks WWE.com!!

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28 October 2013: RAW digitals – Kane

He’s BAAAAAAACK!

From WWE.com:

Raw results: Kane chooses his destiny

Kane def. The Miz

Following Kane’s ominous reappearance and attack of The Miz at Hell in a Cell, The Devil’s Favorite Demon not only confirmed a change of heart in the time since Bray Wyatt forced him into exile, but submitted himself to the control of The Authority after dispatching Miz in a singles contest.

The former World Heavyweight Champion made relatively quick work of Miz, cutting off The Awesome One’s building momentum with a Chokeslam for the victory. It was then that Kane called out Stephanie McMahon. Instead of attacking Stephanie, though, Kane seemingly endorsed her manipulative tactics, claiming that “In this day and age, it is what’s best for business.” Approaching Stephanie on the entrace ramp, The Big Red Monster removed his mask and presented it to her as a token of his obedience, telling her that “the monster is yours to unleash.”

Say what now?

Okay, I get the unmasking – god forbid any of the dumber than a bag of hammers 85% not “get” that Kane in a mask is the same guy as Jacob Goodnight in See No Evil 2 when it comes out. Even if he’ll be billed as “Kane” for the movie.

But becoming a puppet for the McMahons? What left fuckin’ field did that idea come out of?

Being the eternally hopeful fangirl I am, I can only hope that this bullshit move causes Kane’s big brother to roar in from Death Valley to slap some sense into him, and the two of them together make it their mission to bring down “the Authority” and take over the joint themselves. Hey, a fangirl can dream, right? 😉

Sidenote: this whole “authority” versus anti-authority faction was playing out the very first time my hubby tried to get me interested in wrestling, in the late 90s. Now this was a time when they actually did storylines pretty well in the WWE, and I couldn’t understand any of it. So yeah, gave him a big pass on that. Only got into it once that crap was over and done with.

So how the fuck do the dumber than 85% get any of this? Given that it’s chopping and changing every week, that it’s not clear who are the good guys and the bad guys, or what the objective is? Asking for a friend … no really, not watching any of it, just fast forwarding til I get to the Kane goodness! 😉

Kane 28 October 2013 – The Miz vs. Kane: Photos

“The Miz is eager to face Kane, the Superstar who chokeslammed him the previous night at WWE Hell in a Cell.”

Now that’s more like it! Big luscious hunk of manflesh on my TV screen! Not shown in the digitals, but a truly epic #HummerAngle on Kane’s entrance! 😉

“The Awesome One is determined to get revenge against The Big Red Monster.”

-snickering- Showing pretty much the only actual offensive move The Miz got in during the whole match!

But hel-lo back muscles! -drools-

And Kane was in good form too – looks like hurling victims around on the set of See No Evil 2 helped keep any ring rust at bay! Thanks Jen and Sylvia!

Oh my … dat ass. Still the best ass in the company!

And those lovely long legs … missed the hell out this!

A vicious uppercut that I think knocked the fillings out of The Miz’s mouth!

Go Kane!

Lord have mercy – rippling back and shoulder muscles, and that incredible flexibility!

Wonder if The Miz is regretting this match yet? 😉

My bad – The Miz got in two offensive moves. 😉

He tried for a third … didn’t work out quite like he planned!

Oh my god though, acres of rippling muscles!

Monster of a chokeslam!

“Kane is victorious against The Miz.”

Well duh. What’s the point of him volunteering to be the Authority’s monster if he’s not winning?

And jeez, seriously, can they just stop using this camera angle for the pyro shot? I’m tired of it looking like Kane’s overdosed on the double chili burritos in catering! 😉

“He calls for Stephanie McMahon after the match.”

Bonus audio porn! Love it when Kane gets on the mic!

“He [says] she’s been on a power trip, has been manipulative and has ruined lives.”

She hasn’t, however, been implementing quality control on the website! 😉

” ‘But in this day and age, it’s what’s best for business,’ Kane says. ‘Therefore the monster is yours to unleash.’ ”

Loved this on my big screen TV, mostly because yeah, shoulder fuzzies!

…

“Kane takes off his mask and hands it to McMahon.”

On the one hand – yay, he’s growing his hair back!

On the other hand? Steph holding up the mask and weave like he’s an Indian she’s just scalped? WTF?

I come back to my original comments on this storyline swerve. So yeah, got to unmask Kane so the 85% can work out that he’s the monster in the new movie.

Pretty sure Jacob Goodnight isn’t anyone’s puppet in said movie. Okay, in the first one, we get the story that his mom warped him pretty good, but he was killing folks for his own amusement, not because she told him to.

So how does Kane becoming the McMahon’s monster promote the movie?

I’m confused – and I know the history of the Kane character, for fuck’s sake!

Oh, and have to mention, the 85% were alive and well commenting on the picture of Kane as he handed the mask to Steph.

“You see how he won’t look at the audience? He’s ashamed!”

Uh, that’d be a no. He didn’t turn around because he was wearing red makeup around his eyes under the mask, and who wants to see a guy wearing red eye makeup when he’s supposed to be this big tough monster!

Seriously, why do people check their brains at the door on the internet? 😉

WWE.com has the video here – enjoy!

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