The Brothers of Destruction

WWE's Kane and The Undertaker – all Brothers, all the time!

7 June 2013: SmackDown digitals – Kane

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From WWE.com:

‘Hell’ froze over on ‘Miz TV’; Explosive main event match announced

LONG ISLAND, NY – Kane’s frustration with Daniel Bryan left The Big Red Monster’s partner in an unlikely alliance with Randy Orton against the dominating “Hounds of Justice,” while the Ryback Rampage continued and Curtis Axel overcame another former World Champion.

Welcoming The Viper and Team Hell No onto “Miz TV,” The Awesome One wasted no time getting to the bottom of the “issues” surrounding the trio’s six-man tag team loss on Raw against The Shield.

With Miz egging things on as usual, the situation quickly became heated due to Bryan’s inability to contain his obsession of being a“weak link.” Finally hearing enough, Kane stormed out of the ring in what Miz – perhaps prematurely – speculated was the “break-up of Team Hell No.”

Senior Advisor to the SmackDown General Manager, Theodore Long, then broke the tension, placing Bryan and Orton together in a showdown against WWE Tag Team Champions Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns in the SmackDown main event.

Kane 7 June 2013 – ‘Miz TV’ with special guests Randy Orton, Kane and Daniel Bryan: Photos

“Miz TV” kicks off an explosive episode of SmackDown, with The Awesome One hosting special guests Randy Orton, Kane and Daniel Bryan.”

Colour me happy when Kane has a mic – bring on the audio porn!

“Miz attempts to get to the bottom of the “issues” surrounding the trio’s six-man tag team loss on Raw against The Shield.”

While Kane just pumps out the shoulderporn …

Oh dear gods, this was just perfect for Kane perving! Lots of lovely close-ups of that gorgeous naked flesh – did you know that there’s a scar on his right arm from that deep scratch he got at Night of Champions in 2010? (I probably only noticed because I’ve got a wonderful collection of new scars of my own just lately!)

You probably can’t see it in these photos, but man, on my big screen TV? Yeah, that was all kinds of good!

DBryan actually sounded rational here, which is probably what had Kane doing the quizzical head tilt!

“After weeks of an obsessed and irate Bryan insisting he’s Team Hell No’s “weak link”, Kane has had enough.”

Oh holy fuckin’ hells, that was hot too! Growly Kane, all frustrated and emphatic!

Plus fuzzy forearm hairs – oh my!

Kane as the voice of reason – who’da thunk it? And with the patience of a saint – I’d have backhanded DBryan into the middle of the next week a long time ago!

“The Big Red Monster storms off and Miz speculates, perhaps prematurely, that the WWE Universe may have just seen the breakup of Team Hell No, one of the greatest WWE tag teams in recent years.”

Ooops, ran out of patience and did the “Screw this, I’m outta here!” Hate to see him go, but love to watch him leave! 😉

WWE.com has video of Miz TV here.

From WWE.com:

Kane def. Ryback via Disqualification

Prior to Kane’s one-on-one match against Ryback, the two monsters came face-to-face backstage. While the “Human Wrecking Ball” reminded Kane that Ryback Rules, The Devil’s Favorite Demon put aside his current frustrations with his insecure partner Daniel Bryan and made it clear that such rules don’t apply to him.

In the final moments of their absolute clash of the titans, Ryback grabbed the rope at the last second, stopping himself from being pinned by The Big Red Monster. And when Kane attempted to deliver a chokeslam onto a table that Ryback had introduced moments earlier, his intense adversary literally “turned the tables” and powerbombed his masked foe through the hard, wooden surface.

Does the same fate await WWE Champion John Cena on June 16 at WWE Payback?

Okay, first things first – Ryback, you’re not a monster. That was painfully apparent when you came face to face with Kane.

Second – how fuckin’ hot was Kane with his little smirk and “I’ve Tombstoned a priest, set a man on fire, and buried my brother alive. Whatever your ‘rules’ may be, they sure as hell don’t apply to me.”

Seriously, that minute and a bit of video is just . . . yeah, where do I get me some of that? 😉

The other thing is – jesus, can no one at WWE see that the WWE Universe, dumber than a bag of hammers as it generally is, is just not up for drinking the Koolaid that is getting behind this stupid 3 stages of hell match between Ryback and Cena?

Nobody fucking cares! It wouldn’t matter if it was a Pink slip on a pole or an Evening Gown match, we’re over seeing Ryback and Cena. You’d need thousands of ambulances, and EMTs with defibrillators for everyone on the audience to get any kind of reaction to the two of them putting on any kind of match.

However, since WWE believes not only in flogging dead horse, but decomposing ones as well, every fucking time Ryback is on screen, they turn it into a promo for that PPV match no one wants to see.

Kane 7 June 2013 – Kane vs. Ryback: Photos

To whit, the fact that Ryback is now turning up for his matches in an ambulance.

-facepalm-

Oh yeah, forget ambulances, let’s just appreciate the shoulderporn!

Pfft. Ryback’s supposed to be this super-human monster – that is the saddest military press I’ve ever seen. Plus he was wobbling so bad I honestly thought he’d drop Kane.

And while I’m at it, he had such a rotten grip on Kane (and don’t get me started with his hand being that close to the promised land!), that Kane couldn’t even make it look better by holding himself at full extension – I suspect he realised that if he tried, it’d all go to hell really quickly.

That’s it, Kane – toss that ugly mudsucker over the top rope!

Ryback with a handful of Kane’s weave … except Kane’s real hair is getting so long that odds on, he’s got a handful of it as well!

Lord have mercy, the shoulderporn! And the acres of rippling back muscles!

And a pretty crappy spinebuster.

So Kane’s setting up this table and yeah, that’s a keeper with the shoulderporn! Yummy!

Oh yeah, chokeslam him though the table, Kane!

Oh yeah, I forgot – this isn’t a match, it’s an extended promo for Ryback vs. Cena, one stage of which is a tables match! Seriously, half the time the commentators weren’t even talking about the damn match, just endlessly hyping the PPV no one wants to see, headline by a match no one cares about.

So of course Ryback is gonna get the better of Kane.

Cos otherwise how can we buy that he’s a match for Cena?

Newsflash: no one fucking cares!

And I don’t know what the fuck to say about this – which was legitimately the worst fucking powerbomb in recorded history.

I don’t know what they call it when Ryback does it, but what they should call it is off-limits – Kane came down hard and only barely not on his neck and head, because Ryback barely got him up for it.

I literally held my breath, it was that bad. And I knew it wasn’t botched, or I’d have heard something before watching the show just this morning. It was just that horrifyingly botched I couldn’t believe it.

And then I held my breath some more, making sure Kane could actually move. Jesus, just … no. If you can’t pull a move off, then fuckin’ don’t put another guy’s life/safety on the line trying it! Twice in one match was twice too many.

I can’t even enjoy Kane sprawled out there like that as I usually do.

But do hit up YouTube for the tiny segment backstage after the match, where Randy Orton tells DBryan that Kane had to “go to the trainer’s rooms for treatment after his match”.

WWE.com has match video here.

And going on record now – on Monday’s Raw, aside from Triple H disobeying mommy and grandpa and rassling (seriously, that whole segment made the guy look pussy-whipped to the max!), there’ll be some hastily cobbled together match for the PPV – betting Randy and Team Hell No vs. The Shield. Cos right now, there’s only three matches set for the PPV. And Team Last Minute Ideas usually show up on Raw right before to throw together some shit to fill out the three hours.

Man, it’s getting tougher and tougher to be a WWE fan with a brain, yanno?

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