The Brothers of Destruction

WWE's Kane and The Undertaker – all Brothers, all the time!

26 April 2014: Happy birthday Glenn!

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So, John Cena and I celebrated our birthdays this week – happy birthday to my not-twin from another family! – so that must mean that … I’m running WAY behind and it’s the second red-letter day around here!

(Way way WAY behind – I swear, the plan is to catch up soon!)

So, celebrating the birthday of the sexiest Taurean man on the planet, I proudly present this year’s celebratory picspam!

Happy birthday Glenn!

So, in my usual quest through the thousands of images I saved this year, I was struck by something.

The folks over at WWE.com wax lyrical from time to time over how The Undertaker has re-invented himself over the years. How come they never talk about how Kane has done the same thing?

Because he has, and just as successfully. I’d even argue that it’s more successfully, as he’s still appearing on weekly TV and re-making his character in that way is a lot tougher than going off TV and coming back with a new gimmick.

I thought I’d explore a little of that, and the wild ride we’ve had with Kane this year, as the theme for this year’s picspam.

But first, as a little apology for not being on the ball and ready with this picspam right on the dot of midnight as I usually am, let’s take a quick trip back to Glenn’s last birthday, and the … unique in-ring celebrations in Moscow!

I love the expression on his face! Two goofy Russian hats, and a banana – what more could a guy want for what I think may have been his first-ever in-ring birthday celebration! (Let’s face it, monsters from Parts Unknown usually don’t celebrate birthdays!)

I do recall he had to close his eyes and hold out his hand for the banana, giving us this wonderful image before that first one! (And yes, you all know why I chose it!)

But this sneak hug attack from his tag team partner DBryan and fellow Taurean birthday boy John Cena was priceless!

Group birthday hug! Let’s hope many Russian beers were consumed later!

So, back to that character re-invention theme. There’s been a lot of graphics circulating this year, showing the many incarnations of Kane’s character, but I rather like this one.

(Let’s not get into a pissing contest in the comments about how “they” should bring back one or other of the earlier Kane incarnations, shall we? That drives me batshit on Facebook!)

But before he was Kane, Glenn wrestled in the WWF (as it was) under a few other gimmicks, including the one that shall not be named. Apparently, there was a stir this year as Glenn hung up on a radio interview when they mentioned Isaac Yankem. I suspect he’d laid the ground rules in advance that there were things he wanted to talk about – or that WWE wanted him to talk about – and when they saw fit to ignore that, he terminated the interview. The man’s too nice – and too professional – for it to have been anything else.

I personally think he made a way sexier “Diesel” that Kevin Nash, but I may well be biased!

Mick Foley makes a point in one of his books that it can take time for a wrestler to get the gimmick that suits best, and will go on to draw money and have longevity. Which was the case for Glenn.

The build to the reveal of The Undertaker’s brother, Kane, was masterful, thanks in no small part to the brilliant work of the late, great Paul Bearer.

But this isn’t a grand serious career retrospective – let’s just have some fun! Who can forget Kane’s unfortunate obsession over the years with Pete Rose?

Oh yeah, my personal favourite old school Kane, with the half-mask! And in the Elimination Chamber yet! (Please ignore any and all watermarks – Facebook fan pages are worse thieves than Tumblr people.)

But let’s not forget the see-through flames. Now that was some sexy re-invented shit! ;-)

Seriously sexy!

First un-masking. First round of outrage that “they” have made Kane weak, not a monster, yadda yadda yadda.

Like Kane cares!

It’s not every guy who gets to electrocute the boss’s son’s testicles on live TV, after all!

Wearing tights and boots to a pool party is a bit extreme though!

The first unmasking led to the first feature film, “See No Evil”. All kinds of good there!

We had some damn good years with unmasked Kane, and then for the first time in a long time, Glenn took some time off to recuperate, and deal with some knee problems before they got worse.

And he came back … oh yeah!

Even within this newest masked run, we got some re-invention.

Not that Kane’s never been a ladies man before, but this whole angle with AJ was a trip! Especially when it’s Kane who breaks up with her, explaining that while he’s disturbed, she’s just plain nuts, and he’s not “boyfriend material”!!

The whole anger management angle was supposed to be a lead in for Charlie Sheen as Twitter Ambassador, and might well have been shit-canned when Sheen quit Twitter (-facepalm-), except that DBryan, Kane and Dr Shelby made it work.

Team Hell No were a raging success!

“Kaniel” gives a whole new meaning to “raging” success … or should that be “flaming”? -snickering-

AJ was still around, though, with her “not boyfriend material” friend Kane, meeting the troops.

If that’s DBryan showing Kane some “Kaniel” fanfic on his tablet, I can only surmise the next moment either had them both in hysterics or running for the mental bleach! ;-)

Along the way, we got some great “masked Kane in civvies” moments too.

Lord have mercy, no one rocks a pair of blue jeans quite the way he does!

And oh my, masked Kane with kids? My ovaries ache just looking at these!

Kane in a boy scout uniform? Causes an ache of another kind! -fans self-

Bad photoshop, great idea – and a little foreshadowing, as it turns out! ;-)

One thing that has to be said though, is that Kane came back in amazing shape! -drools-

Not shaving his chest under that singlet? Bonus!

Another awesome bonus was that Glenn grew his hair back under the mask! Glee!

Here he is in the airport in my hometown last year … ponytail. Glasses. -drools-

I am including this one specially for Pats – she’ll know why! ;-)

Then, sadly, we had to bid Kane a farewell from our screens for a bit. But all in a good cause, as he was off filming “See No Evil 2″ with the Soska sisters in Vancouver! This photo, courtesy of the movie’s Facebook page, is from the first table read.

Sadly, making the movie meant losing his ponytail (waaaaaah! They couldn’t spring for a bald cap?) but I think we can forgive the Soska sisters, because they obviously took damn good care of him!

Kane returned to TV after the movie … and almost as promptly un-masked again for Stephanie McMahon and The Authority.

Cue another round of “Waaah! Bring back old masked Kane! This guy’s a pussy!”

Me? Well, I kinda like Corporate Kane. You work those glasses, geek boy.

Even if he did win Jerk of the Month award at WWE Magazine (thanks to Sevenfoot Monster on Facebook for this one)!

Plus, corporate Kane and kids is still ovary-aching!

What was even better was when Kane started kicking ass in the ring, and we still got re-invention!

We got Kane in a business shirt and dress pants …

We got Kane in a wifebeater

And then, lord have mercy, we got Kane bare-chested in dress pants. The single leading cause of ovary a’splosion all year! -fans self-

Now, just before his birthday (and mine!), Kane re-masks and goes back to being a monster. Sadly, this particular night, it was so that DBryan could leave the show early and go home to be with his family after the sad death of his father, but knowing Kane, and DBryan, this will go on to be one hell of a feud.

We can’t leave this birthday spam without paying respect to the late, great Paul Bearer. Paul said of Glenn that he was, “the nicest guy in the world, too nice for his own good.”

Now, we didn’t get the Hall of Fame televised down under, and we also don’t get access to the WWE Network, so I’m going on what I’ve seen reported, but it is fair to say that without Paul Bearer, there would not have been an Undertaker, and without them, there would not have been a Kane.

I do know from what Bill Moody used to have on his website that he regarded both Mark and Glenn as brothers, and he loved them both dearly. A fact very evident in this photo, taken backstage at the Hall of Fame when Kane inducted Drew Carey.

It does make sense then, that they asked Glenn, as Kane, to induct Paul Bearer into the Hall of Fame this year. An honour I’m sure he was only too happy to accept.

A fitting farewell to Paul Bearer, gone but never forgotten.

As they saying goes, another year older, another year better looking … no, wait, that’s not how it goes! Another year of Kane on our TV screens sounds pretty good to me!

Happy birthday, Glenn – thanks for bringing Kane back to our screens again in new ways, for entertaining us, and for being one hell of a performer!

Here’s to a wonderful year, from all of us!

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