(Running very late with these, folks – but Kane being out “injured” means very little enthusiasm for WWE right now!)
From WWE.com:
Kane def. Christian; The Wyatt Family attacked Kane
Kane had the very definition of a mixed evening on Raw, defeating Christian in the second All-Star confrontation but also becoming the first Superstar to suffer the wrath of The Wyatt Family in the process.
The Devil’s Favorite Demon faced a stiff challenge in Christian, who certainly made his case for One. More. Match. by keeping Kane on the defensive for the duration of the bout. Christian’s success went to his head, though, and he attempted a too-early Spear that led to a Chokeslam … and that’s when the lights cut out and Bray Wyatt’s final dispatch played to the WWE Universe. Moments later, the Wyatts themselves emerged from the darkness and laid siege to The Devil’s Favorite Demon.
While Bray Wyatt watched from a rocking chair at ringside, Erick Rowan and Luke Harper decimated Kane with the steel steps, leaving him in a heap before Wyatt knelt beside the fallen form of his first victim … but most likely not his last.
Well, fuck.
Kane 8 July 2013 – Kane vs. Christian; The Wyatt Family debuts: Photos
Looking just as fine as fuck!
“Kane clamps down on the throat of Christian.”
And provides shoulderporn!
Even blurry shoulderporn is good shoulderporn!
“Captain Charisma fights back and takes flight.”
Right into an uppercut, if I’m any judge of body language! 😉
Told ya!
But oh my freakin’ gods, that is some spectacular shoulder and back porn there, even some chest porn for good measure!
Not to mention a stupendous ass!
OW!
But damn, shoulderporn!
Oh now I know they’re just fucking with me – this is nothing but a gratuitous ass shot! 😉
Followed by a gratuitous crotch shot!
Well no, it’s not, but you know where my eyes immediately went, right?
“Kane battles out of Christian’s offense and hits a Chokeslam for the victory.”
Rippling shoulder muscles and all – oh yeah!
Sweet Mother of Christ, those shoulders!
And that body! I swear, he is a walking wet dream!
The line of his thigh to his hip is a singular thing of beauty …
“The Big Red Monster is elated with his win … ”
As well he should be!
” … until the frightening Wyatt Family, led through darkness by Bray Wyatt’s lantern, make their long-anticipated debut.”
One of the few times Vince ramming something down out throats for months has actually worked! These guys have a truly creepy vibe, and that entrance is something!
“When the lights turned back on, Erick Rowan and Luke Harper were in the ring and ready to pounce on Kane.”
Well duh, so would we!
Wait.
Wrong kind of pouncing, perhaps! 😉
Definitely the wrong kind of pouncing, as they held an ass-kicking party in Kane’s honour.
“Bray Wyatt watched the carnage unfold from a rocking chair at ringside.”
Which likewise was creepy as!
“Wyatt’s monstrous associates decimated Kane with the steel ring steps.”
Man, I winced seeing this! I know they didn’t actually hit him with the steps, but think about it – Kane’s head was against steel, and then these steps slammed into that. His ears must have been ringing for days!
Okay, so is this the new pattern? Bring in a stable of three guys and have them target Kane?
And then we get these photos, which give me that uneasy feeling. I know it was a work, but what if?
Damn you, Kane, for being such a good actor and making me wonder if it was real!
“EMTs rushed to Kane’s aid in the aftermath of The Wyatt Family’s assault.”
Aww man, stop doing that! Even if I know it’s a work, it freaks me out!
WWE.com has video of the match here, and then of The Wyatt Family attack here.
Now, immediately after RAW, there was an “article” on WWE.com about Kane’s condition. And it had Pats and I in stitches!
I can’t find the article on WWE.com – it may have been yanked because so many people pointed out the complete and utter bullshit of it, but here’s the gist from one of the dirtsheets:
WWE is playing up Kane’s “injuries” in an article stating that Kane was injured by the Wyatt Family on Monday night’s episode of Raw. Their article noted that Kane was stretchered from ringside and his cervical spine was immobilized with a cervical collar.
Dr. Chris Amann said that Kane was coherent in the ambulance, but they are concerned that he may have suffered “any sort of brain or cervical spine trauma that may be significant enough to either warrant surgery, or an extended period of time away from the ring.”
The article questioned Kane’s status for this Sunday’s WWE Money In The Bank pay-per-view, and that they would provide further updates.
Below is an excerpt from an article on WWE.com:
“Due to the head and neck trauma suffered by Kane, we precautiously immobilized his cervical spine with a cervical collar. He’s been transported to a local trauma facility and is currently undergoing further evaluation.”
Following the attack, Kane was carted off on a stretcher and taken to a local medical facility.
“After [Kane] was put into the ambulance, he was coherent; he was speaking to us and following simple commands. The biggest concern that we have is any sort of brain or cervical spine trauma that may be significant enough to either warrant surgery, or an extended period of time away from the ring.”
And that last bit is the part we were laughing about – what kind of quack doesn’t know the difference between a brain injury and a cervical spine trauma, for fuck’s sake? And how does being coherent and following commands rule either of those out?
Jesus wept – get some better writers if you’re gonna be putting such out-and-out fiction on your website guys!
Anyway, the article three days later says much the same thing, and questions if Kane will be at Money in The Bank.
Which of course he wasn’t. And hasn’t been seen since.
Remains to be seen how long he’ll be off – and no word on whether he’s nursing a legitimate injury (other than this supposed brain or cervical spine bullshit).
And so I say again … well, fuck.
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The Brothers of Destruction 